Skinny Matt

Skinny (still) Fat Matt

Ok. Part 2.

So. Fast forward to 2006.  I am in college (Radford). I hate my life. I hate my just about everything except drinking and food. Looking back I think depression was in full effect. I was also at my heaviest. I had ballooned into a gross sloppy 280ish pounds. I pretty much lived in hoodies, my famous Carhart jacket  and athletic shorts/stretchy board shorts because it was college and who needed to dress up everyday right? Wrong. It’s the only clothes that fit. So long story short… Radford didn’t work out too well, I moved home, and began my life transformation…. Eventually.

Fast Forward to 2009. I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world. I have the greatest parents and soon to be parents-in-law in the world. I worked at the greatest summer camp in the world (Triple R) and I finally have began my walk with Christ. Life was good. The only thing that remained for me to change in my life was my weight. As I said yesterday Erin and I’s life transformation was sparked by The Biggest Loser. We watched the entire season that year and what blew our mind was the episode where each contestant meets with the doctor and they explain all the problems there weight is causing them. BOOM. My mind was blown by the results. I must fix my life.

So Day 1. I go to the gym. Get on a treadmill. Set the speed to 6.0 and start running. By the grace of God I was able to ran 3 miles that day nonstop. Not sure how I managed that one. I legitimately had that first day at the gym not gone that way… I would have quit. I am not good at sticking to things if I don’t succeed right off the bat. I tend to be a quitter. Anyway… given my boost of confidence from the first day… I stuck to my gym routine… running 3 miles and doing a small weights routine 5-6 days a week. The weight started coming off. And Kept coming off. I started reading up on diet strategies and places I needed to fix in my diet. I started eating much cleaner however at this early stage I was still able to eat whatever I wanted and still lost weight. Life was good. Eating lots of food and losing weight

Then something happened. Something ticked inside my head and decided this was not enough. I still had something to prove. I never felt like I got the recognition I deserved. How come all these other people you see on the news get articles written about them for losing 80lbs. I would get so bitter when I saw another “Man loses 95lbs… or Husband and Wife loose 100lbs!” WHAT ABOUT ME. I LOST OVER 100lbs WHERE THE HECK IS MY ARTICLE. WHY DOESN’T ANYONE WANT TO KNOW MY STORY. MY SUCCESS MUST NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH. Fine. If 100lbs isn’t good enough… ill keep going.

---- Side Note ---- One other thing that always plagued me was during my senior year while on the wrestling team I had to take a hydration test that basically told you how much weight you could cut and remain a heathly body composition. My coach decided after getting the results to share with the team that (at this point I was about 230lb) that I could healthy weight 151lbs and that I was carrying an extra 80lbs of fat. That one hurt. Not exactly a statistic to be proud of. So back to the present… I decided to set my goal to 150lbs just to show that D-Bag that up. So I set on my newly established goal. It was hard. Very hard. At this point I looked good. But great. Not ripped. Not shredded. But healthy. This is when it began to get dark.

I changed everything. My workouts. My eating. Everything. I began to get obsessed with the goal. It consumed me. I knew the only way to get to 150 was to start cutting calories and upping my workouts. And it worked. And this was when the weight loss started to feel good and started taking control. I still had it. I beat the plateaus. I was in control. I could do it. Each pound at this point really started to give me a euphoric feeling and for the first time ever I started to be skinny. The one dream I had had since I was a little boy was coming true. The idea that I would actually be a skinny kid was amazing. It consumed me. I was starting to get skinny. I was so happy. Finally. Finally. Finally. Success! The only problem was… in the mirror I was still fat. How could that be? I was about 160 now losing a consistent couple pounds each month but I still saw myself as fat. The mirror still showed my loose belly skin and that little pesky last bit of fat that covered my abs that I didn’t deserve. I deserved a six pack. I worked way too hard not have one. So time to cut my calories down again and start working out TWICE a day. Yep. I ran each morning. Worked out each afternoon. Ate about 1500 calories a day. And miserably faked a smile through life. Created a miserable life for Erin and all those who cared about me. I was non-existent in most areas of life. I was always in pain. My body ached. I never rested. I couldn’t sleep through the night. Life sucked.  I was never happy never satisfied with myself until I reached my goal. But the beautiful thing was… it was working. The scale kept going down. Obviously I was doing something right. Finally. I did it. 150!..... Or more like 146. Yep… I passed 150 a month ago and didn’t think twice about stopping. I was alive… I had enough energy to work out twice a day (barely). I had succeeded. I was skinny! Right? WRONG….

“Why are you stopping at 150? You still don’t have a six-pack. You are still fat. Hey Matt… It’s your brain calling… pick up…. Hey! Guess what… you are still fat. You will always be fat. Remember your nickname??? Fat Matt… yep still applies. Watch out for that grain of sugar. Not that it really matters since you are still fat… but it will make you fatter. O yah and you know that stuff that gives your body the energy it needs to function… ya you know the single most important nutrient any super active athlete needs to perform? YEP! CARBS! You know at the end of the day your body breaks them down as sugar. Sugar makes you fat. (in your case fatter) CARBS ARE THE DEVIL! Sugar is the DEVIL. FAT IS THE DEVIL. Remember how miserable you felt that one day you decided to actually eat a decent sized meal full of carbs? Remember how miserable you felt after actually being full after a meal? Remember how your mom actually cooks food with olive oil. THAT’S A FAT. Remember how she makes teriyaki chicken? SHE MIGHT PUT BROWN SUGAR IN IT. Yep. That will make you fat. Remember that next day you went to the gym and you gained 0.3 lbs after eating out. Fatty. You worked so hard all those years and you’re going to ruin it with that meal. How dare you. This is not your body anymore this is my body. Hey remember that time you bent over to pick up your socks and looked in the mirror and saw your stomach rolls? NO THAT’S NOT EXTRA SKIN THAT WILL NEVER GO AWAY. That is FAT. It must be lost. Although when you stand up straight you can start to notice your abs. you know what that means… I am working! I am your best friend! Ever since I came into your life… you started to get abs!!!!!!!!!!!! But… you don’t have a six pack yet. So you haven’t quite succeeded. We must press on together. Yah I know its ruining your life, your marriage, your relationship with both your families…. People ask them all the time are you sick? Do you have cancer? … Don’t worry about them. They are dumb. They are just jealous that you lost weight and they can’t. I bet they eat sugar. Lets judge them. OMG they ordered pizza hut and actually ate it. Did you see that grease? Didn’t it disgust you. It should. It’s the devil. You’re better than them. Look at you, you almost have a six pack. NOT ALL THE WAY. Don’t get cocky. Your still kind of fat. And No… that’s not your stomach rumbling because your starving. YOURE NOT HUNGRY REMEMBER! Your never hungry! Drink something so you feel full! It always works! NO YOU CAN’T EAT! IT’S NOT EVEN MEAL TIME! Wait til later. Then you can eat. But… we make the food together. Hey by the way… its Sunday, the day you don’t go to the gym. Make sure you plan next week to get aleast one extra day secretly so no one knows since skipping today will inevitable make you fatter. Hey remember that time you tried on a SMALL shirt and it was too baggy! How great did that feel! I bet one day we could be AN EXTRA-SMALL! XXL to XS. Wouldn’t that make you happy! Let’s go for it fatty!”

Sincerely,

Anorexia.

So…. How in the world do you deal with that? We will explore that tomorrow.