I am still here! NOT QUITTING!

Well, well, well.

It has been a hot second since I’ve written a blog. I am determined not to quit so I wanted to write one today. That is one of my biggest life focuses right now. NO QUITTING. I am not really going to lie. Life has been a whole lot better as this crazy month begins to come to a close. I have genuinely just been focusing on enjoying life. My therapy has been very successful as well. I do have a wonderful counselor who I am enjoying my time with. We have talked about many interesting things and have brought about some findings that have made living much better. For example last week we ended up possibly discovering that I have a decent case of ADD. It makes total sense. We looked at some documents and studies and stuff and after reading them it became pretty obvious. It has helped to read into ways to handle ADD and steps I can take to continue to be productive and manage my work and life. One thing I found that helped me out this weekend during the crappy cold rainy/snowy Sunday afternoon was work on a puzzle. I bought a 1000 pc puzzle and started it yesterday. Talk about relaxing. I do pretty well when I have something I can mindlessly focus on that I actually enjoy. However doing other mindless activities don’t suit me very well. Watching TV/Movies or playing games on the computer really does nothing for me and I get super bored. But the cool thing about the puzzles, is that I can kill two birds with one stone. Like I said a long time ago I love certain artists. However paintings are stupidly expensive. SO I came up with a tacky solution. I will specifically pick puzzles of my favorite paintings/artists and once I complete them, I plan on framing them. So I get the enjoyment of putting it together, and I get a 20x30 “painting” for 9.99. WIN WIN!

My therapist brought up and interesting point. She said there may be some correlation between ADD and eating disorders. We didn’t go too deep into it however if you think about it… it actually makes perfect sense. ADD makes you not be able to focus very well on certain tasks. Eating Disorders tend to totally occupy your mind and your thoughts. So when you put the two together… you have a situation where you struggle to focus on things to begin with …  and you have something that is trying to occupy every moment of your thoughts.  So each time you get off track or lose focus… you pulled into the thoughts created by the eating disorder. Take that crap storm and add in a little depression… which makes you not really want to do anything at all… and you get a lack of focus…on things you don’t even care about….all while your brain is being pulled towards those thoughts of foods/calories/weight issues… whatever. SUCKS! So I have found I need to find things that I am able to focus on for longer periods of time to help control all those things. So far… puzzles seem to be doing the trick. They are challenging. Take a long time. And I get a reward of a painting I enjoy. So for now… that’s my strategy.  Still trying to figure out something to help keep focused at work.

On another note… I am really stoked for this spring. I joined a USTA men’s tennis league and a co-ed softball league with members of our church. I am looking forward to the tennis because I plan on actually taking that relatively serious. Ironically despite my sincere hatred for baseball… I am super excited about softball. I am doing that solely for fun. I couldn’t care less about the win or lose or if I strike out every single time. Its just all about fun and fellowship. And those people who take it way to serious and get all bent out of shape about REC softball… I will for sure laugh at you. You’ve been warned. ;)

I made a massive decision last week as well. I am for-going my ultimate dream. Crossfit. As of the week before last I had full support from Erin and others on fulfilling my dreams of joining a crossfit gym and going all-in. I made a huge 180 last week the more I thought about it. Actually a sermon at church sparked the change of heart. I started thinking that maybe this was one of those situations where I convinced myself that I wanted it sooooo badly that I convinced myself that this is what I was supposed to do. I pretty much realized that if I was going to do it… I was going to have to do it. Everyday. In order to get my monies worth. I also realized that one of things I don’t want to do is get totally obsessed with it. I know I would. Guaranteed. Plus I am looking forward to this next phase of my “fitness life” to be totally free. What I mean by that is if I was doing crossfit… I would be doing crossfit. Not doing it… I could wake up one day and say “today I am going to the gym” or “today I feel like taking a nice long easy run” or “ I have a tennis match tonight so im going to take it easy today” and just do whatever I want. Also I want to start seeing about training people and almost develop a little side job. In the few people I have helped lose weight, or work out with… I(they) have had huge success. So not being chained to a crossfit gym will allow me the potential to maybe start a little something.

All and All its been a really positive couple of weeks. Not everyday is always peachy… but overall its good. Erin and I took a ride to the beach this weekend and we hit up all the surf shops I used to hang around in high school with George and other friends. Brought back some really good memories and vibes. SO like I said… things are looking good atleast right now. Which is all I can do is focus on right now.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me and encouraged me through the last few months! I love you all. Mostly Erin though. :) shes pretty much the greatest person ever!