Brick by Brick

Brick by Brick

So yesterday was a good day. Almost got derailed by some comments and feedback I received however I pushed through it and don’t think it did much damage. I am just going to forewarn everyone that this month is going to be gnarly. I am thinking it is going to be super hard, super emotional but hopefully super successful. Erin and I had many conversations last night about a whole bunch of things. Here is what we laid out.

I am going to go get another round of lab work taken on Friday just to check to make sure my liver is functioning properly. Many of you have commented on my yellowish tint to my skin so we are just going to check it one last time to make sure everything is fine. I have done this about 5 times and everything came back clear so I am not too worried about it. Just want to be sure. We did some extensive research last night on yellowing of the skin… and discovered something called Carotenesis. Basically its when you consume tons of beta-carotene in your diet and is actually very common in both vegetarians and anorexia sufferers because we tend to consume the majority of our calories from veggies because they are filling and low in calories. 5 highest containing foods of beta-carotene are Carrots, Sweet Potatoes, Spinach, Kale, Broccolli… etc. I eat most of those every single day. SO is that the sole cause of me looking like a banana? Not sure but if its not a liver issue, it could very well be the cause.

I have decided to listen to every bodies advice and go get counseling. I have been making some progress. Being such an independent person I feel like asking for help equates to failing. I hate asking for help. I always felt like I could manage/do most things on my own. And as much as I am determined to beat this on my own (similar to my weight loss which I did all on my own) I realize that this may be too strong for me. So I will seek professional help. I have already contacted a doctor and am trying to get this ball rolling quickly. I think deep down I know I cant do this on my own. Like I said I have made some progress, however I have had many backward stumbles. Hopefully this will help. My last stint with therapy really sucked. But I am going in with an open mind and the desire to get better.

Now. The biggest thing that came out of yesterday is this… Its almost hard for me to type out. Its been about 18 hours and it is already causing a ton of anxiety… I know that because this morning as I did my work, I chewed through an entire pack of gum by 11am. But I am determined to follow through with this for both my mental and probably more importantly my physical health…

I am not going to the gym for the entire month of March. Yep. You read that right. Since 2009 I have been going to the gym for pretty much atleast 5 days a week and I am finally going to take a month off. My body probably needs about a years worth of rest to fully re-build but we are going to start with 1 month. I am still allowed to take my morning walks and anything other then the gym (playing tennis, going for a bike ride, other forms of exercise are acceptable) just no going to the gym. I also need a mental break. I have been getting so bored with working out I do it out of necessity. I am actually looking forward to April  and having a fresh start to something. I am going to take this month like I said to heal, and also re-focus on my fitness goals going forward. Will I start training for a race? Maybe start road biking? Or just maybe try to follow a muscle building plan? I have no idea. Its exciting to think of actually training for a purpose. Not because I feel like I have to simply burn the calories.

So yah. This is going to be super hard. Super testing. But I am hoping to take the month to focus on other things. I want to finish some painting… both recreational painting, and a couple rooms left in our house. I have some books I want to read. I want to get back into playing competitive tennis. So I am going to hopefully do some fun stuff. Also staying away from the Gym will also keep me as far away from a scale that I could possibly be. I am going to TRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY to not weigh myself for this month. Just going to make sure my clothes still fit by the end. Not that I really anticipate blowing up and getting fat in the next 26 days…. But still it does worry me I wont lie and is probably the one thing that is going to mess with my head the most.

So as the title suggests I am going to take this brick by brick and really swallow my pride and start to use professionals. Brick One – Health check-up. Brick Two- Therapy. Brick Three- Avoid the gym for a while.

Support will def be needed for this period of time.

Thanks to everyone who has been sending there love and support already and get ready for a ride.