Second Steps

Second Step

Taking that Second step has always been something that I haven’t been able to do.

I am a master at planning things…considering all angles and issues… incorporating all the necessary resources available or needed for the task at hand… and putting together the most logical and efficient plan to get something done. I really am good at putting together the “first step” of something… however the next step… not so much.

I rarely ever follow through with a thought or plan. Besides being really good at the things mentioned above… I am also a master at second-guessing myself…considering…reconsidering… questioning….and ultimately end up talking myself out of something. I usually get nervous about the outcome and am terrified at the fear of failure. If it involves a substantial financial investment… the all these things just get exponentially worse. So inevitably  my master plan usually ends up remaining just a master plan. I rarely ever put something into action. Action.. the second step...

I can think of a million examples of this throughout my life. Some are small… like me never getting around to painting a picture in the style of Thomas Kinkade. Why? Well chances are it probably will not turn out quite as good as Thomas Kinkade. Yes I know he is a master professional painter but I would still judge myself to those standards… so after going out and buying all the supplies I needed, picked the picture I wanted to replicate… I never started. I got scared. Knew it wouldn’t turn out how I wanted, or thought it should… so I just quit before I ever even tried.

On a larger scale… this has plagued many major decisions I have had to make in my life. Specifically college. I went to a school that had so much available and so much potential and never once went to try and get out and get involved. I stuck super tight to the friends I had, that were familiar and that had everything in common with me. I was always too afraid to go out and meet new people or new groups. I never joined any clubs or organizations because I was afraid of being different… or even just the fear of the unknown. I picked my major because everyone else picked that major. Then even after I left that school… I had a chance to restart and maybe go down a road I actually wanted to go down… but I didn’t. I picked the same program that a buddy was in, chose a major based upon recommendations from those around me… instead of searching for my own interests and going after them. Up until after graduation from college and getting my first “career” job… I had never ever worked a job that I didn’t know somebody who could get me a leg-up. Why? I guess I just never wanted to take a chance or a risk without some sort of advantage. I think I always was just too afraid of doing anything on my own or doing something that I didn’t have all the information about. So here I sat… trying to figure out where to take my life from this point on… having to live with the fact that I have never once just said **** it…. And gone out to do exactly what I feel like I should do.

Why am I writing about this today???

I have an opportunity to go to a conference in Arizona during the end of October. It is hosted by a company that I support more then any other company and the idea behind what they are doing is literally exactly what I want to do with my life. Christian based fitness/wellness lifestyle. This conference is designed for fitness professionals or those passionate about pursuing this type of work… to learn to build and grow there gym or their business and how to incorporate Christian principles with exercise and fitness.  However I am finding myself questioning the decision on to go. I feel like I need to get the reasons out in the open for anyone to comment or encourage me. So here are my “issues”

• ·         I am scared that I don’t have enough knowledge or credentials to be taken serious by the other fitness professionals.
• ·         I am scared that this might confirm that this is exactly what I want to do with my life… but the amount of work that it might take to do this is too much to imagine
• ·         I am scared of the financial investment and what if it ends up being a waste?
• ·         I am scared of going to something of this magnitude alone.

I just never seem to be able to take that second step. To dive in, take a chance… go for gold for once. Playing the safe, easy or cautious card will rarely get you in trouble… but at the same time it often leaves you thinking “what could have been???”

I was with a buddy this weekend and through his actions and our discussions it seems like some many other people are able to live the “you only live once” motto as he is. Because… at the end of the day… you do only live once. Every day that goes by that you aren’t actively pursuing your dreams or fulfilling your life with that which truly makes you happy I think is a waste of a day. We don’t get these days back. I don’t want to get to be 65yrs old and sit and dream of what could have been. I need to start making these things happen. Or at least trying.  Because at least then I can say I tried and it wasn’t meant to be. But until you try… you will never know. 

It’s Been a while!

It’s Been a while!

Ahh back at the helm. I apologize to anyone who was interested in reading my posts for my absence of late. Not really sure what exactly caused the hiatus except for the fact that I really struggled to find anything to write about. I guess this could be considered a good thing and sort of proves that I actually have been feeling pretty good lately. I started some medication to help with some of my issues. The Prozac alone did not do a whole lot for me but after a myriad of tests for ADHA we have added an medicine called Tenex. It is a non-stimulant based ADHA medicine. It seems to have helped quite a bit. It helps me be able to focus a little bit better on tedious boring tasks. Anyway that’s all boring stuff… here are some recent events of this summer so far.

FIRST! … as I typically have used this as a platform to brag and boast about my wonderful wife, I need to give her a massive shout-out. She recently (Saturday) went into old navy to buy some new jeans and found out she fits in the smallest size she has ever been able to fit in!!!! I am so proud of her. She has lost 12 pant sizes to date. So so so awesome! She also just started a 12-week training program for the Wicked 10k that she is running in late October with some friends. So any encouragement sent her way would be great as this is a long and difficult commitment.

Next… I recently took my first ever trip to the emergency room. Last week I was at the gym and pulled an idiotic move. It wasn’t that I actually did something stupid or that I shouldn’t have been doing… but I exercised very poor workout-programming. I have recently been trying to follow crossfit.com and perform there posted workouts each day as a challenge and because I have been bored with my old routine and want to incorporate different movements into my workouts…. So anyway… I missed a workout that was posted so I decided to double up workouts and perform the previous day’s workout followed by the current days posted workout. The first was 10 rounds of 100m sprint – straight into 15 push-ups. Doesn’t look that difficult at all… but it freaking SUCKED! You never realize how much you use your arms/shoulders to pump during a sprint until you have to drop and do 15 pushups immediately. By round 4 I was dying… but did manage to finish the workout in about 11 minutes. So then I took a breather and started the next workout which consisted of 5 rounds of 500m row/ 15 box jumps/ 5 225# deadlifts … so I began… the row was fine… the first 13 box jumps were fine… then on the 14^th rep of the box jumps my right foot made it, and my left toe snagged the edge of the box…. Came crashing down on my shin and ripped a 1.5in gash in my shin. Oooowwwww. Also managed to scrape and bruise my left knee as my leg slip down the box but didn’t realize that until the next day… so anyway … with blood pouring out of my shin I drove myself to the hospital and got 9 stitches. My doctor was cool she was a younger lady from JMU who actually used to do CrossFit so when I told her what happened she laughed and said she’s seen that plenty of times. So I told her to hurry up because I still had 4 rounds to finish. HA! As I said this was my first experience in a hospital so the whole process was interesting. I wont go into the details but parts of it hurt like a champ. I had called Erin as I was leaving the gym and non-chalantly told her what happened and then mid sentence I had to hang-up to fill out an accident report… so I called her back and got chewed out because I told her I was going to the hospital but I had to call her back! haha! The funniest part of the whole thing was Shannon, Erin’s sister, was the first to get to the hospital to check on me. Now you have to know something about the Waugh family… Erin, Shannon and her Dad will pass out if a hangnail starts bleeding so when Shannon walked into the room and saw my leg it was bad news. She tried to stay out in the hall way but inevitably was forced to the bathroom and pretty much passed out and got sick. Erin and her Dad both came back at time but both had to remain in the hall so the same didn’t happen! I thought it was funny and the doctor was also laughing about it. I am usually the only person in the family who can handle those injury/bloody situation but I was the one getting my leg sewed up! But yah anyway it was really dumb on my part to try and do a sprint workout… followed right into a box jump workout… legs were tired…. It was inevitable. One really awesome thing that came out of it was that I we got just another confirmation that we have the best friends in the world. Our neighbors (Ben and Ashely)  came up to the hospital at a drop of hat after Erin asked if they could some stay with me while she tried to take care of Shannon. “2 am friends” at the best.

On a more positive note… I had the opportunity to lead our bible study discussion last Sunday and received some really good positive feedback. This was good because I was super nervous about it and don’t necessarily consider myself to be the greatest teacher in the world. The discussion went great and It was a nice little confidence boost. I was given a relatively difficult chapter in Romans 11 but thought we worked through it well.

Erin and I had a great trip to Atlanta with her family a few weeks ago. We managed two Braves games and a trip to the Coca-Cola museum and the George Aquarium in the span of 48 hours. Busy, quick but fun.

So to wrap up this post I just  wanted to say that I do plan of getting back into writing these. I need to find something to focus on instead of just babbling about life. I would like to turn this into more of a focused themed blog. Anyone have any ideas please let me know!

It's Coming back.

I felt it. It was back. Things were different. Things felt different. Things seemed different. It was different. Feelings I hadn’t felt in a long time were pouring back. Life.

Ben and Ashely, Craig and Ashely, and Erin and I spent a wonderful weekend together.

This weekend we were invited to spend a couple days at our friends (Craig and Ashely) parents time-share condo in Massanauten. A little R&R retreat in the mountains. We drove up Thursday evening after work in the midst of a crazy bad thunderstorm. Luckily this didn’t set the tone for the trip because it was sure was a gnarly storm. Most people had pulled off the road to wait it out. NOT US! Haha we trudged on.

Not getting in until late Thursday night we didn’t do to much but unpack and go to sleep. Friday was a crazy busy day. We got up ate and headed out to hike the ridge trail along the top of the mountain. We probably did about 4 miles through some relatively challenging rocks and passages. Craig, Ben and I spent some moments climbing trees, rocks and occasionally bypassing the trail for a more difficult line. We found some amazing overlooks and as always had many good laughs and conversations. After lunch the guys went and played golf and the girls headed to the pool with Craig and Ashely’s 1.5 year old. Golf was interesting to say the least. Deer, ground hogs and beavers were all over the course which added a really cool element. The course was hard but fun and we had the entire place to ourselves. It took about 5.5 hours so the ladies prepared a fantastic dinner that was all ready when we got home. After dinner, and after an incredibly long day, we all posted up on the couches in our “pajamas” and played a game. Good times and lots of laughs. It was a great finish to a great day. Saturday we headed to the big indoor/outdoor waterpark at the resort and had a blast. I GOT ERIN TO GO DOWN A WATER SLIDE! ANNNNNNNNNNNND SHE LOVED IT! Haha. Really stoked. Between water slides, hot tubs and lazy rivers we had a great time. And wouldn’t you believe just as the trip began we got caught in another gnarly thunderstorm as we were trying to pack up to go home. I wish I could tell you that we got to spend Sunday at home quietly recovering from a busy couple days but nope! Church at 8am, bible study at 9:30, Tides game at 1:05, and Erin and 3 of the girls from church went to a painting class and the husbands babysat two 7 year old twins and the 1.5 year old from about 6-10. So no lazy Sunday for us! So anyway… that was the summary of what we did and what actually happened this weekend. But SO much more came out of it.

This weekend was amazing as well on a more emotional level. All the stuff that I mentioned above was fun and exciting but it was all the other moments that actually made the trip. I loved how we ate all our meals family style. I loved how we spent hours talking and laughing and sharing stories before, after, during all the meals. Getting up before everyone else and finding Ben outside on the back deck reading and going out to spend a few minutes of the early morning hours with him. Watching Ashley and Craig parent the little guy and almost feeling like all six of us were parents to him. Long car rides, long car conversations, playing road trip games to pass the time. It felt like family. I never felt tired of anyone or felt like… ok… im ready to go home…. And not even once feeling on Sunday like… I just spent 3 days with these people and now we all have to babysit… I need a break! It was great. I think for the first time in a long long time I have friends again. Friends I love. Friends I know I can call at 2am if I needed anything. Best friends if you will. I am usually so closed off. Usually don’t let anyone in. Always felt like I was different or something. Even outside of these two couples at church on Sunday I found myself more intrigued to get to know other people. Its like I finally found some friends and I want more. Its awesome. It feel good. Life feels good. Life feels like its coming back. I am so thankful for my church and what has come from it. Had we never switched churches last year none of this would have happened. I now 100% know and feel why God allowed that to happened. He knew what he had coming for us and I am so thankful. Life is good. 

Experiencing God

Experiencing God

I wont lie. I miss writing this blog on a more regular basis. I have just been at a loss for topics lately. I realize my life is not interesting enough to generate readers when I post random little updates. So I have been looking for something I can focus on again. As discussed many times in the past, I am not very good at sticking to something unless there is a designated path and clear view of an objective or a schedule of some sort. So I decided I am going to blog about working through the bible study “Experiencing God” that we are doing in our bi-weekly bible study group. This is a twelve week course that we are dragging out through the end of 2014. In fact we wrap the study up the week before Christmas so it kind of fit perfectly. I am very excited about this study. We just finished the first “weeks” course and met last night to talk about it in our group. The study is structured with five lessons per week for 12 weeks. Since we only meet on the 1^st and 3^rd Tuesday nights each month we are getting an extra week for each “week”. This is nice because it allows you to really focus and dial in to the study. I try to do a lesson every other day. Each takes anywhere between 20-45 minutes so I try to use it for my morning quiet time. Like I said I am extremely excited for this study. On the first introductory night we all passed around our books and signed everyone’s so that we have a support network and can hold each other accountable to the covenant that we signed in our own books. I am famous for getting through about a third of a bible study, miss a week and never get back to finish.

Like I said earlier I am really stoked on this one. I absolutely have accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior and believe in my heart that I have been saved through God’s grace. However… I am definitely selfish in nature and I find my self usually praying mostly selfish prayers. I realize I usually end up advising God on how he can work in my life or reminding him of the things that I WANT to happen or that I NEED in my life… like he doesn’t already know. So you could almost say ive switched the equation and been trying to have it so God is experiencing me. So even in the first week of this study I have really heard God saying…. STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OUT! PUMP THE BREAKS there killer. I got your back. Now I am not saying that I believe that God doesn’t want us to be ambitious or pursue our dreams… not at all. But I feel like your dreams and ambitions will be revealed to you once you truly begin to experience God. One of the major points of the week was that we need to ask God the right questions. The most common prayer is usually… “God, What is your will for MY life?” How selfish! Instead we need to stop a few words short. “God, what is your will.(PERIOD)”

Once we really get focused on learning what God’s will is… we can begin to learn and explore our piece in the puzzle. We have a tendency to think… man I feel like God is telling me to go to Africa and save the world…. So God please make that happen! Then we expect that since we FEEL like that is what is in our hearts we need to be the next Mother Teresa to Africa and be the main point man for the mission. But I don’t think it works like that which is why I think we are usually so dissatisfied. I think if we understand that ok… I feel like God wants a team to go serve in Africa… OK good. We have established the WILL OF GOD. Now we can begin to find out how God wants  us to work in this. It may be that in fact you get to be the point-man for the trip. You may be put in a position to be the trip director and not even be able to go… but you are tasked with coordinating all the major details. And that is ok. God might just say… you need to pray for this team to go to Africa… I have different plans for you. And we have to be ok with this. This is so hard.

I struggle so much with this. I am a planner. I don’t worry about tomorrow… because I worried about tomorrow about three months ago. Right now im planning for the fall in my head. I know it sucks.

I also want answers. I want to know the future. I want to know if I am where I am because I am stubborn and made a ton of wrong decisions in life or if God directed me here and has a plan. I just want to KNOW!

So that’s what I have dedicated the rest of 2014 to. Every single time I turned the page of this study and read the next passage, verse or paragraph almost each one resonated the same thing in me. STOP. SLOW DOWN. LET GO. REST. As Casting Crowns puts it… JUST BE HELD. Stop asking God to grab hold of me as I go about my journey… but I need to grab hold of God and go along his journey.

So that’s my plan. But at the same time that doesn’t mean im going to completely stop pursuing things. I will continue to reach out, talk to people, seek guidance and ask questions, pursue opportunities…. But do so in a much more relaxed sense. Not get so excited when something tiny happens and expect it to work out to the way it does In my dreams. If I through a line out… and some thing bites… then pray and pursue it… But leave it up to God to work it out. Not try and force everything. So here’s to the back half of 2014!

OH! The places they’ll go.

OH! The places they’ll go.

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

To anyone involved in any way, shape or form with the school system… you know today the day teachers and students alike have been waiting for since early September. OK… maybe not quite September but after the holidays the countdowns begin, and after spring break the countdowns reallllllly begin. Warm weather, long sunny days, SOL’s complete… we all remember those last few weeks of school that just dragggggggggg on.

Today is funny day for me. On one hand, growing up with a mom in the school system and now married to a teacher, I have longed for the days of being able to eat dinner and talk about something other then school! Spending Sunday afternoons at my parents house with no student and school stories to share! No more helping grade papers over the weekends! No more making crafts and food and buying supplies for the kids! No more trying to watch football while Erin is watching Youtube videos of teaching idea! No more dealing with the bad days! No more Friday nights at the school’s talent show! SUMMER!

Yet… on the other hand... our dinner conversations… are when she gets to ask me what I think about something at school or for my advice… Sunday afternoons are such great opportunities for my mom and my wife to bond and feed off of each other and share a genuine common interest….reading the answers that kids come up can be extremely entertaining… making robots out of juice boxes and raisins and hot-coco filled ornaments and endless cupcakes are not only something that Erin and I get to do together… I usually end up having as much fun as the kids do!... OK ill admit I will not miss the youtube videos… hearing the bad stories or the SOL-stress-induced rants give me an opportunity to be the voice of reason and support Erin… and ill be honest I have yet to go to a school function and not had a great time and laughed hysterically at those crazy kids…. And now its all over… BUMMER!

OK… its not OVER… and I think that’s the best thing about it… we just get a nice little break… just enough time to realize you actually miss all those things… and then it starts again.

This was Erin’s first full school year as last year she was hired in December, so this was her first true class that she got to watch and develop from start to finish. I think there is always something super special about the “first” anything. The smiles, tears, anger and love experienced this year will be remembered forever…. And I love that we get to experience it together. Watching someone do something that they are so incredibly passionate about is one of the most amazing things ever. I had the privilege to attend a few school functions and spend a few days in her classroom with her, as well as many after school programs, and it is 1000% apparent that she was created to do this. She loves her kids like they are her own. She cares for them like they are her own. She lives with them and through them and for 9 months of the year she is 100% dedicated to their well-being. I feel so blessed to be married to someone with the passion, love and drive to make sure her kids succeed.

Its really not fair. To all teachers I really apologize. You guys deserve so much more. More respect. More resources. More pay. More support. Every single person who has gone through school can look back to a teacher who impacted their life. We all have that one teacher (or more) that sparked something in our heart. So please all Teachers… give yourselves a pat on the back and take your well deserved summer vacation.

I know its bitter sweet to see the kids go. Erin always tells me how fun it is to watch how much a child can grow in 9 months. But… its time to see them off! Each one of them has the potential to change the world and you have prepared them to do so. You never know what impact you might have had on that child… and that must be such exciting feeling to know that you may have been the catalyst for something to accomplish something great. Teachers provide the spark for all great things.

I know today Erin will read “OH! The places you’ll go” to her kids right before they leave and there is ZERO chance she will get through it without crying, but please just remember sweetheart, that you changed those kids lives this year… and as you tearfully usher them off… remember that it wont be long until those desks are filled with another whole group ready to be transformed. You are great. Your passion and hard work is appreciated. I love you!

I just want to also say a massive thank you to all my friends and colleagues and family members in the school systems!  

Home

Home

What is home? … A house? An apartment? A condo? A place of residence? The place you lay your head down at the end of day?

I have a confession. Many of you know this about me. Hampton Roads is not my favorite place in the world. It isn’t exactly where I want to reside forever. However it is…my home.

I love my home. So in a round-a-bout way I love where I live. Does it hold the physical features I long for? (snowy mountains)…. No. Is it a small town without traffic lights with long winding country roads lined with year long lasting fall foliage and picket fences separating farmlands and colorful maple trees?.... No. But I don’t really think any of this matters. It’s a minor inconvenience. I think “Home” is defined within your heart.

Why am I writing about this today? Because this weekend I truly felt like I was home.

Thursday night eating dinner with Erin’s family… annoying showing up late… making us wait… but then spending an hour laughing telling stories and watching stupid youtube videos at the restaurant….i feel home.

Friday night we had one of our most favorite people in the whole wide world come over as she was visiting from Lynchburg. Sitting around a sharing life stories together and reminiscing on past events….thats when I feel home.

Saturday evening a whole bunch of us met up at Chesapeake city park, packed picnic dinners, sat around for a couple hours in the beautiful sunshine waiting for the sun to fade to watch an outdoor viewing of “The Goonies”, having “boy time” taking my newly adopted nephews over to the play ground to watch them play, only to realize how much fun monkey bars and swings can be as a grown-up, sitting around in lawn chairs watching the movie with laughing, eating popcorn, unexpectedly freezing our butts off sharing blanks amongst eachother, watching my beautiful wife and all her friends laughing, dancing around, loving life, snapchatting eachother just to annoy me, and then telling everyone embarrassing stories about me…. I feel home.

Spending all Sunday morning at church services and bible studies fellowshipping amongst our life group. Spending lazy Sundays around the pool hanging out with friends, getting roped into playing pool tag with those crazy boys again, and then unexpected heart to hearts with people you care the most about…. So much so… that they made you wayyyy behind schedule trying to make dinner for my parents who were coming over, sitting around the living room watching Erin so happy and excited to show off her students “memories of the year” book her students made for her and listening to her tell stories while showing pictures from the yearbook, having my parents help us decide where to put next year’s Christmas tree… in June …. I feel home.

 So to answer the question posed at the start of this post… home is none of those.

Home is your family.

Home is your friends.

Home is your friends that have become family.

Home is Sunday afternoons by the pool

Home is Saturday nights at the drive-in

Home is your Church when you get upset that the service ends so soon.

Home is that moment you realize you found your “2AM” friends.

Home is sitting with your sife out front watching the sun set on a quiet evening dreaming of life

Home is your heart.

O.A.R. wrote a song titled “I feel home” and it’s is one of those songs that the words have always stuck with me. Go listen to it.

Ramblings and My Summer Plans

Writer’s Block

Man lately I have been struggling with topics to write about. Not that I have a self-imposed requirement to write X times a week but I do enjoy it, I just have been struggling finding stuff to talk about. Lately I have been really working very hard on calming down. I tend to be a 10 year plan type of person and keep my eyes focused so much on the far out future that I never really accomplish things in the now or get discouraged because things aren’t happening fast enough. So as I search my soul for my purpose and really try and focus on listening to the Voice of God…. I am trying to really hard to just sit back. I always tend to try and take the wheel and direct it where I want to go or what I want to do. Not the best idea and look where its gotten me. 10 year plans are great to have but when you neglect the here and now because you want so badly to have the future happen already… you miss life. This weekend I tried really hard to do just that. For once… we literally had NO plans. For an entire weekend. It was incredible! Saturday we spent the entire day at the pool and Sunday the entire day at Church and the beach. It was so relaxing… and also soo against my norm. I would have normally thought that this was a total waste of time that could be spent being productive or making sure our errands were done or whatever… but this weekend I didn’t. I just sat back, took a deep breath, and enjoyed the moment. Another thing I have been focusing on recently is making sure I am being intentional with my actions. That is… I am one to expect instant gratification and get really annoyed when things don’t happen right away. (hence my struggling with quitting things so easily). This kind of correlates to living more in the moment as well. I am not trying to rush certain things like I typically do. In all actions and decisions I am actively seeking as much guidance and input from as many different sources before making a radical decision. I am in no rush. I am also going to try and spend more of my free time this summer on actually doing those things I am passionate about instead of just continually thinking about them.

The other thing I am trying to focus on (since I have began a new medication that will hopefully help this process) is de-clutter my brain. I have soooo many thoughts and emotions about sooo many things that I was to try and take as many as I can and process them and then come to terms with how I feel and not just bury them in the back of the brain to be handled later. For example… some very big changes will take place in the next couple years with my family and instead of just suppressing my true feelings… I sat down with my mom this weekend and told her exactly how I felt. It felt good and felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders a little. So I can check that one off… move on to the next.

The last thing I am working on (this goes back to being more intentional about everything) is to not pass up an opportunity or be too afraid to pursue something. Example: I am the WORST person at following through with things… so many times someone will approach me and say they know someone or have a contact within something that might be able to help me out or just use as a reference and historically I would NEVER contact that person for fear that maybe I would ask the wrong questions, not be totally prepared to talk to them or just simply be afraid of what they may say good or bad. So now I am actively seeking advice and guidance from any and everyone I think may be able to offer help. Even just cold-calling(emailing mostly) people and explaining my position, my desires and my plans so I can honestly say so far feedback has been great. Most people who are “professionals” at what they do are more then willing, usually eager, to offer their knowledge to someone who knows less then them. My Dad taught me that one.

So to wrap this whole post up…. This summer is my slooooooooooooooow down and focus time. 

Celtic Woman, CrossFit and Pandas!

Man. What a weekend.

I am back on the blog today after spending the Memorial Day weekend celebrating our 2^nd Anniversary in DC with Erin. We had a blast and got to experience every single thing we both desired. The highlights…

Starting on Friday evening we went to the Celtic Woman concert with my parents which was fantastic. They put on an incredibly entertaining performance full of songs and dance including some amazing instrument interludes. I love the whole Celtic culture and really find it fascinating.

We then left Saturday morning early up for DC. We decided to spend Saturday exploring the surrounding areas and spending the full day Sunday in the city. So since we couldn't check into our hotel until the afternoon (and made it to DC in good time) we spent the morning exploring NOVA and Erin gave me a tour of the area she lived in when she lived up there. It was fun. Got to see her old house, school and her Dad’s golf course. After that…. It was my turn to pick what we did. It just so happened that the Mid-Atlantic Crossfit Regionals event was being held at the Patriot center at GMU. I COULD NOT let this opportunity pass by. So Erin gracious came with me because she knew how much this meant to me. It was so sick! We explored the vendors, got free stuff and eventually made our way into the event and watched about 5 heats of both men and women. Even Erin started asking questions and cheering! Totally worth it. We then spent the evening in Tyson's Corner and shopped for a bit and Erin picked the grossest Mexican place ever. Epic dinner fail.

Sunday we got up and had the free shuttle service at the hotel take us to the metro station. The driver of the shuttle was a Kenyan native and we had some great conversations with him about Kenya and about our good friend Lemiso from triple r. We went straight to the zoo Sunday morning and it was great! Got to see the pandas in full action eating and climbing around. Ran into a good friend from high school at the zoo which was a pleasant surprise. We got to see the elephants and the lions which were sweet. The “lioness” or Nala as I called her had 2 cubs that were running around wrestling with each other which was really cool. The “papa lion” or Simba as I called him was freaking awesome. At one point the dude stood up and let out the most legit roar ive ever heard. #awesome

We then just explored the rest of the zoo and made secretly made fun of the other tourists that made us laugh. You see some characters in DC. Then we ended up eating lunch at the coolest place ever. Don’t even remember what it was called but it was a café/restaurant that was all open to the outside and served an eclectic array of brunch/lunch items. We forgot it was Sunday so we were stoked to see breakfast still being served.

Then we decided to hit the mall area and do the whole monument thing and walk around to see the sights. It was pretty cool being there for memorial day weekend because they had a bunch of events and concerts and stuff around. The coolest thing we got to experience was “Rolling Thunder”. Basically its 1.5 millions motorcyclists from around the US who ascend on DC for a ride to the Capitol. Literally the police shut down I-495 and people lined the exits and over passes waving and cheering the riders on. It took them from 9am to 4pm to get all the bikes through the loop. It was freaking epic. From Vienna to the Capitol Building around the National Mall to the Lincoln Memorial the roads were shut down and 9 hours of continuous motorcycles. We spent some time people watching at the Washington Monument which is always fun in DC. After a brief annoyance of having to wait 45 minutes at the metro station waiting for our shuttle… we finished off the evening eating dinner  then hitting the hot tub and pool in the hotel.

We slowly got up Monday and hit the road stopping in Short Pump along the way. Before even getting home we stopped at a good friends house for a little pool party/cook out for her birthday which was actually kind of nice. After driving for 5 hours jumping in a nice chilly pool on a hot sunny day was totally refreshing. We hit the grocery store on the way home and FINALLY made it back and got to relax.

All-in-all it was a great weekend and being able to spend a fun stress-free weekend without any real plans holding us to a set schedule was totally refreshing. Albeit we totally missed Church on Sunday and all our friends.

Now its back to the grind. All though SOL’s are over for Erin which is fantastic. If you’re not married to a teacher you have no idea how wonderful it is when SOL’s are over!

Weekend = Success.   

Matthew.SOMEONE

Matthew.SOMEONE

My username at work for logging in to most things as well as my email address is Matthew.Simeone…. however the other day I either misspelled or got autocorrected into writing … Matthew.SOMEONE… pushed enter and was redirected to let me know my username was wrong… I stopped… looked at it… and immediately FROZE.

For some strange reason this misspelling of my own name launched me down an identity crisis and emotional free-fall. I literally teared up as I sat there and stared at Matthew.SOMEONE

Matthew.SOMEONE. An immense fear overtook me as I sat there and thought who was this… matthew.”Someone”. I started thinking… when I die… will I be Matthew Someone or Matthew Simeone. I think I sat there for probably twenty minutes as I tried to wrap my head around these thoughts. Who am I? What is my purpose…. why am I here? Why did God create me… put me through everything I’ve experienced and now what do I do with all this? How can I make sure that I am not just another Matthew SOMEONE but Matthew Simeone. Not saying I want to be remembered as a famous ____________(fill in the blank) but even amongst my circle of friends and family. How will they remember me? What will/do they say about me? If I was to ask everyone that I know to write an essay about me…. What would it say?

It really is a terrifying thought. Up until this point in my life I feel like I always have TRIED to be a Matthew Someone instead of Matthew Simeone, going through the motions of life, accepting of being mediocre at many things… and usually giving up on my plans or dreams fearful that someone might judge me a certain way, it may not be “cool” or fit in to the status-quo or it might require a little bit of work.

I think it is important however… not to try so hard to “define” yourself. I really have no desire to be Matthew Simeone the “_______”. I simply want to just make sure that I am Matthew Simeone. The individual. Probably my biggest fear in life and the great thing holding me back from my past is the crippling sense that if I reveal my “individual…ness” that people won’t like me, want to be friends with me, think im weird/strange/different. Now ive spent the last two years on a journey to radically RE-define myself and I think this is even harder then just being yourself in first place and not caring what people think. So all that to say…. Make sure in your own lives…. You are not a Matthew Someone, but a Matthew SIMEONE.  (figuratively) 

Two years!

Two years. I really can’t figure out if it feels like it has been a really long two years… or it has gone by really fast. It’s weird. A TON of stuff has happened since then so in once sense it feel like it has been a long two years because we have experienced so much change and new things… but on the other hand… I still remember parts of that day like it was yesterday. It’s funny and interesting to look back and think about what you remember the most. I don’t remember ANYTHING about that morning. Like it literally doesn’t feel like it happened. I remember waking up making myself try to make as much of the day as normal as possible to not get all anxious. I know I went to the gym… ate breakfast at home… but that was it. The first thing I remember about the day was trying to go find a garter at Party City because the one we ordered didn’t get delivered in time! I know I went to lunch with my groomsmen and I distinctly remember that the 2012 CrossFit Regional games were on TV at the restaurant because I remember just sitting then watching the TV because I really couldn’t focus on the conversations going on around me and my brain was going a million miles a minute.  The whole pre-ceremony happenings are somewhat of a blur as well. I remember we had a long time to change and take pictures and I wasn’t allowed to wander around because Erin and the girls were out and about. From about the time the pastor came and got me to get ready… is when time started FLYING. The ceremony went by so fast. I remember small moments specifically. But again so much of this was a total blur. I do remember that I pulled off the clutchest moment ever when I kissed Erin on the forehead after our first kiss J I also remember the entire audience let out a huge “awwwwww” after that. The most bizarre emotional moment that happened was one that NOBODY else saw. There was a moment after we walked down the aisle together that we had to loop around the church and wait to take pictures and as we were walking, before any of the wedding party caught up to us, I bursted into an all our cry fest and Erin and I just held each other and I told her I don’t know why I’m crying… “I just love you!”

I remember that moment the most vividly of the whole day.

Fast Forward to today. Erin had blossomed into such a fantastic, caring and loving educator and has devoted her life to her children. She loves everyone, cares for everyone, would do anything for anyone and her smile brightens any room she enters. I know ive said this before… but I am the luckiest guy ever. She is amazing. I would re-live 5/19/12 everyday for the rest of my life if I could. I wish so much I could honestly say that I haven’t taken her for granted. I don’t think I fully appreciate how amazing she is some days and I hate it. So much of what I have been going through for the last year has affected her and our relationship and I hate it. She doesn’t deserve or need any of that. She has always had my back and her love, support and concern is the only reason I am here today fighting. I couldn’t get through this with out her and the unconditional love she gives me. Shes the best and I love her to death :) 

Interpretation

Interpretation  

One of the biggest things I struggle with in my walk with God is trying to interpret his will. Two contradicting thoughts always plague my brain.

1.       On one hand…. I feel like the feelings, callings, passions, fires that I experience in my heart are hints at what I am supposed to be doing. We are told that we are to follow God’s will and the purpose he has given us. This is usually found through feelings and passions that have been laid on our hearts. These aren’t those “I feel like I should drive a Ferarri” thoughts, they are the “I feel like I am being called to serve a greater/different/specific purpose in life. I feel like God has put me through situation A,B and C for a reason and he is trying to tell me something or point me towards my calling.

2.       Then there is that whole mind set that says…. “God puts you right where you are and puts you through everything you’ve been through for a very specific purpose so sit back and let go of the reigns… He’s got this”. So when you experience those deep feelings, tugs, passions on your heart… are you supposed to act? Wouldn’t you think God would have put you in those situations if you really truly feel like its where you are supposed to be?

So I find myself in a constant state of hesitation and doubt and confused whether or not to act upon those feelings…. Or sit back and just remain where I am because “I am where I am supposed to be”. Surely when the timing is right it will work out. But how do you know if those feelings inside are YOUR feelings or God speaking to you? When is a selfish desire or a divine calling? Obviously this is where fervent prayer comes into play. But even then… you’ve been praying and praying and praying for guidance and direction and things start lining up or happening out of the blue… what do you do? I find it so easy to write those bizarre out-of-nowhere occurrences off as “coincidence”. Do you really hear God’s voice saying “GO” or is that your own voice? We all know that nowhere in the Bible does it really ever say that following God’s plan will be happy go lucky all the time or easy to do, easy to see, easy to follow… but sometimes its hard to accept that God would put you through stuff sometimes when it truly makes you miserable. That feeling of hopelessness or misery… is that just us being selfish and wanting to go off and follow our own plan?.... or is that God telling you “ YOUR NOT WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE….WAKE UP AND LOOK AT ALL THOSE “COINCIDENCES” AND TAKE A HINT!!!”.

I would love some feedback on this one and hear what other people believe, have done, experienced or handled these situations in their own lives.

Dear God,

You are great. You have brought me through every single storm ive encountered in life and each time I have come out on top. You have yet to leave me or forget about me. I love you. I don’t deserve your grace or mercy. I ask that you place your will and your desires on my heart and show me the way. I am ready to let everything go and walk in any direction you lead. All I need is a nudge, a hint, a door to crack open and I am ready. I know I can’t do anything with your guidance and strength. I am ashamed because so many times in my life ive gone out and done what I thought was right or go out about something alone…. With the notion that I am capable on my own. No more.

Also please be with our friend Casby as she is about to give birth to her first child with a husband out on deployment.

Please bless my good friend Ben with a job once finished with school

Please be with a friend’s wife as she is in intensive care in the hospital

Please me with on of our very good friends going through a bumpy marriage phase.

Be with my family as they look to the future to make some pretty big decisions and with my sister as she begins new life change.

And finally please be with Erin and her little students as they prepare to take the SOL tests this month. This is the most stressful month in a teacher’s life so please just comfort them.

Thanks and I love You.

Amen.

Revelations

Revelations

I recently really feel like God has been on revealing spree in my heart. I have come to see and feel many things much more clearly lately. I don’t know why or if He is trying to prepare me for something he has in store for me in the future, but the last few weeks have been incredibly emotional. I have laughed more, cried more, smiled more and been beaten down more in the last few weeks then I have in my whole life… but its been nice. It has really cleared up some questions and feelings I have been experiencing.

One area I really feel like God has been working in my heart has been my quiet time with Him. I really feel like I have been having tons more conversations with Him. This has been huge because I have always struggled with keeping up my prayer life. The more I talk… the more I hear him talk. Which is good. Because I need Him right now big time.

Another area I have been really focusing on is continuing to seek the desires and passions inside my own heart and not worrying about what others think. I guess its kind of back to the whole “identity” issue that I have always struggled with. Learning to be me without being ashamed has been really freeing. I can pursue what I want and what I need without the overwhelming feeling of being judged ot looked down upon.

Another area has been showing me who I need to be dedicating my time for. For a long time ive always just “served” my wife but never really gave her my time. I did things for her, made her breakfast, bought her favorite groceries… but struggled to actually love her. At the end of the day… none of those things matter. All that matters is that she knows and feels my love. My true love. Not my service or my husband duties… but my genuine love. This is a major work in progress. But I do really feel like as I continue to straighten out other areas of my life… this issue has begun straightening itself as well.

Husbands must love there wives as Christ loves the church. Unconditionally.

Going along with the love and time theme… he has really been revealing the people in my life that deserve my time. I have spent more time hanging out with others in the last month then I have in the last 2 years, and it has been incredible. Our church group has been such a major encouragement to my life and most of them probably don’t even know it. I am so thankful for them.

Lastly, God has been totally exploding passions out of my heart. I am slowly but surely getting tuned in to my ultimate dream and passion. As I said on Friday I feel like certain things have happened for a reason. The only analogy I can come up with is its like having a massively huge bon fire all built and ready and a tiny tiny little spark has been lit at the bottom…. The only problem is…. There’s also a gigantic thunderstorm (my past demons, decisions, self-doubt, self-confidence, nonexistent courage) just waiting at the horizon to blow over. I am scared, nervous, lost and have no idea where or when or truly even if… to begin the pursuit, but I feel like these things aren’t happening for nothing. I am still prayerfully seeking guidance and not jumping on any impulses just yet. So if I could get some prayer warriors to lift these up… I would be so grateful.

I still am convinced we can change the world if we all follow our hearts and pursue fully our passions and dreams.  

Meltdowns, Panic Attacks, and an Inspiring Ending.

Meltdowns, Panic Attacks, and an Inspiring Ending.

So… this week has been incredibly interesting. Started off pretty good on Monday. Tuesday hit absolutely rock-bottom. Like all the way down. I don’t know what happened. I was sitting In my office… started thinking about playing my tennis match… and I started getting anxious, nervous, emotional and panicky. The thought of playing tennis started to make me sick to my stomach and nauseous. I literally sat in my office praying for rain. I found myself literally sobbing in my office. Sitting there almost uncontrollably crying. It took multiple phone calls to my Dad and some calming words and reassuring to finally get me to calm down. But I totally lost it. Why? I had fun playing tennis. I was excited about it when it started… so what the heck was this all about? We will look into this in a little bit… but I ended up not playing. Instead I went to Bible Study with Erin and had a fantastic time. Weds was a little bit better of a day as a whole. I did experience a bit of a anxiety attack Weds evening. Again no idea why it happened but I got home from the gym and literally had to lay down on the ground and focus on my breathing trying to calm down. Finally I told Erin I had to get outta of the house so we went on a little drive… came home ate dinner… and then went out for another drive just to get out of the house. I don’t know what happened. I literally felt like an animal caged. Like I was trying to break from something and couldn’t. Anyway Weds night did get better. Then we come to yesterday. Yesterday may turn out to be the most significant day of my life. I had a therapy session and probably got more out of this session then all the rest combined. I actually didn’t have one scheduled this week but out of desperation on Tuesday, I called and scheduled a last minute appointment. We started by trying to get dialed in to why the emotions came out regarding tennis. We explored and probed many aspects and came up with a chart that highlighted the emotion experienced, followed by what may have caused each and why I felt that way. Some good stuff came out. I feel like I am coming alive again. I went camping this past weekend and for the first time in years… I feel like I am developing some solid friendships. I haven’t had many friends over the past few years. I have held everyone at arms length. Now I am working on bringing people back. Finding new friends. Our church life group has had such and amazing impact on my life. Some of these new dudes I genuinely love and care about a lot and have become so happy to be around them. I think that’s one thing with Tennis. It was taking away an opportunity for me to fellowship with our new friends. I feel comfortable, welcomed, loved and supported around the couples in our life group. Developing these relationships means exponentially more to me then a few tennis matches. And oddly enough it turned out one of my buddies has a couple health concerns and he was curious about ways he may be able to help control these things… BINGO! Now we are speaking my language. So I got to try and help and encourage someone I care deeply about… so yes… tennis is a no go anymore. Things happen for a reason. Proof.

Anyway… back to my therapy session… we got really deep into some emotions I have been experiencing and some dreams and passions that are on my heart. We talked about taking baby steps into pursuing those passions and ways I can incorporate them into my everyday life. I really feel like the fire has been sparked and all its going to take is one little splash of some gasoline and this is going to explode out of my heart. I just need someone or something to provide that gas. I got into my car and once again started crying my eyes out but this time it was more positive. Yes I do feel like I am being held back by decisions ive made in my past… but at the same time I feel like for the first time in my life… I can see a door opening. The path is becoming visible and I can feel the tug on my heart. I feel like I know my purpose. I don’t know exactly how to get there or where the door leads too, but I think its opening. My heart and my arms are hide open reaching out and im praying so hard that something grabs a hold of them. I look around and see the potential that exists in the world and our community and all I want is to get it out. Create a change. Impact lives. Make the world a better place. I never ever want to see or hear about someone regretting a decision or a situation in their lives. Those ghosts still haunt me and I wouldn’t wish these feelings on my worst enemy. I feel for the first time im ready to face the world head on am stronger then these demons that plague me. God… if your ready… I am ready.

One last thing. Never ever underestimate your impact on something that may seem “bigger then you”

I did something yesterday… I wont say what… but I reached out to someone much much much bigger then me and just sent a message of encouragement and praise and let them know that I was praying for them and they have impacted my life and inspired me to be the person I see myself being. They actually responded. Genuinely. And reminded me how much it means to THEM when people encourage them and just simply remind them that people are praying for THEM and the reassurance that they actually are an inspiration. So whether its your sibling, best friend, stranger, or favorite celebrity…. If you pray for someone or are inspired by someone…. TELL THEM. 

Dialing In

Dialing In

I went camping this weekend with some fellow church dudes. We had a blast. Great fellowship, great food, great weather, great time!

I genuinely enjoyed getting to know my new friends. I don’t have a whole lot of friends and I tend to keep to myself a bit despite the fact that I actually really enjoy hanging out with people. Not sure why, but im sure it has to do with everything ive been dealing with lately. But anyway… I learned a lot about myself this weekend. In a strange way I used our many hours around the camp fire to really observe other people and intently listen to people talk. I also kind of took everything people were talking about and sort of put it up against my own opinions and thoughts and really got dialed into myself… if that makes any sense.  It was cool seeing how different everyone is. How different I am. My whole life I’ve compared myself to people and always tried to be like them or be cool or fit in. But this weekend it was cool to hear what everyone is like and how its totally ok to be different. In fact, its cool to be different. It feels good to be different. Why would you want to be like everyone else? Boring. So anyway sitting there listening and talking about a whole range of topics was really interesting and really beneficial. However, I think the most important part of the trip was the hour and half I got to sit by myself around the camp fire while everyone else was still sleeping. I really used the time and the setting to get really deep into my heart and have a good quiet time. The warm fire, the breaking of dawn, and the rustling of the wild life around me really set the mood. The other day I listened to a 6-part podcast about the phases of a Man’s heart throughout his life. It was from the “Fathered By God” book by John Eldredge. So I guess coming off that recent podcast and the setting of the morning… I really got to do some quality soul searching. It was almost as if I became very content with myself. I became OK with who I am... accepting of myself, my personality, my interests and my traits. Not sure why or what about this little camping trip triggered these emotions but it did.

The rest of the weekend was great. The weather was incredible. I got FRIED on Sunday. Erin and I took a nice little trip to Chesapeake City park and brought a blanket and laid out for a couple hours. It was nice to just sit there and talk. Just us. No distractions, no phones, no people, just us. Sunday evening her parents took me out to dinner for my birthday. They gave me the coolest gift ever, my first ever THOMAS KINKADE painting. So sweet.

So it was a great weekend. I think in my quiet time I really focused in on my passion. What I want to do. Now I need to sit back, pray and maybe look into a couple things.

Vapors

I feel like mentally and emotionally I am running on empty this week. My heart is screaming out. Reality silences it. Dreams grow big. Reality deflates. Passions erupt. Reality douses. My desires are dug out. Reality buries.

Crappy day. Feeling especially beat down by the ghosts of my past. This song pretty much sums its up.

“Tell Me Now” – We Came as Romans

Stuck at a fork in the road,
Which way should I go?
One path leads me home,
The other leaves me alone

The impact of one choice is so endless
Can't even think of how it plays out in time
Through the years, it's still there
Won't disappear
The impact of one choice is so endless
Through all these years, it still won't disappear

So tell me now,
'Cause I don't wanna stay
In the dark for so long
While my whole life gets away
Is the secret out?
Will anybody say
The clearest path to start down,
Or which road is right to take?

Carefully,
I think of
Ways out now
'Cause I don't want to hold in
This burden
Weighs so heavily
the thought of
What I love
Being swayed,
unstable choices I might make

Through all these years, it still won't disappear
Through all these years, it still won't disappear

So tell me now,
'Cause I don't wanna stay
In the dark for so long
While my whole life gets away
Is the secret out?
Will anybody say
The clearest path to start down,
Or which road is right to take?

So tell me now,
'Cause I don't wanna stay
Left in the dark for so long
While my whole life gets away

Is the secret out?
Will anybody say
The clearest path to start down,
Or which road is right to take?

The impact of one choice is so endless
The impact of one choice is so endless

So tell me now, so tell me now
So tell me now,
'Cause I don't wanna stay
Left in the dark for so long
While my whole life gets away
Is the secret out?
Will anybody say
The clearest path to start down,
Or which road is right to take?

Selfies

Selfies

Sometimes I think it is important for everyone to take a “selfie”. So go ahead… grab your smart phone… hold your arm out… or find a mirror… pucker your lips… and snap it. Done? Good.

Hopefully nobody just did that. And for God’s sake if you did… please don’t post it on facebook….or istagram…or twitter… in fact go blow up your phone.

But seriously.

When was the last time you just stopped for a second in the morning, while you’re getting ready, and just starred at yourself. Looked deep into your own eyes and taken a little inventory? I think this is important. I guess it’s a sort of meditation in a way. Just looking at yourself… asking questions of yourself. Are you who you wanted to be? Are you who you feel like you were created to be? Are you going through the motions of life? Or are you creating the motions of life? Are you happy with yourself? Happy with who you’ve become, who you are growing up to be?

I think these are crucial questions to ask yourself. I have been doing a lot of pondering of these questions. I am a text book example of someone who has been just going through the motions in life. I have been struggling to see my life as purposeful. This blog has invited some sense of purpose for me. I hope it still reaches and benefits people. If nothing else I at least hope anyone who reads it enjoys the couple minutes each week it takes to read these. I actually enjoy being open and honest and really have found great joy in writing. But that being said… I still have really struggling finding my purpose in life. I stare into my own eyes and still see so much potential absolutely screaming to come out. I almost compare it to a tiger in captivity. There is a fire burning inside to do something powerful but the world and my past ghosts continue to beat me back to the ground. Regrets plague me. I have been trying really hard lately to accept them and move on. Very hard to do. Each time I give myself a good stare down I see all the things I should have done differently. All the things I wished I could go back and change. So many times in life I’ve wanted to put my fist so far through that mirror and go back and change things thinking I can always come back and rebuild the mirror, piece it back together the way I want it look, I want me to look.

The problem is you can’t. You can never go back. No mulligan’s in life. The sooner you/I accept this and embrace the future… the sooner we become happy. And happiness is the goal of life in my opinion.

Not money, not possessions, not all the other things of this world. Happiness. Happiness can be obtained with and from nothing.

My most recent and frequent prayer has been for God to show me my purpose. Help me remove the blindfolds of my past and steer the ship. The world tells us to fight for the helm and never let it go. YOU/WE have all the control. NEVER GIVE IT UP.

Friends, that is so not the way. Let it go. You must let it go. I must let it go. I’m 3 days away from being 27 years old. I am young. I have so many years to come, so many years to change the world, do good, spread joy. Love. You can’t be the change you want to see in the world if you won’t let yourself be the change you want to see in yourself. The world will beat you down, tell you, you can’t do that… be that… it’s too late… you aren’t good enough, smart enough, this dream is going to take too long, be too hard, cost to much, might require drastic change… STOP

Just stop. Have faith, believe in yourself. Let it go. Leave the worries behind. Have faith. Step out of the boat.

Tonight, tomorrow, right now… sometime soon… take a good long mental selfie. 

Focus on the Family

Focus on the Family

Recently a lot has been revealed to me about the importance of family. In fact I would argue that a whole host of societal problems that are plaguing the country right now could be solved by focusing on the family. Nowadays ours lives are so busy and so full of things going on that often times the good old-fashioned family time is not even an after-thought, Its non-existent. I have always been a huge believer and proponent in the values of the family dynamic in a persons life. How many times do we need to observe the troubled kids from troubled families problem? My heart absolutely breaks for kids in these situations as well as the other family members involved. I really do 100% believe that there is nothing more important in a parents life then their children. I think the hierarchy of life should go God-(immediate)Family-Best Friends-Extended Family-Friends. I don’t think you have to look to hard to see the importance of this. I can’t tell you how many kids I came across working at summer camps for all those years and how you could tell which kids came from which type of family. I think there are many important things that should happen to develop a strong family. You can always make new friends, but you’re stuck with your family. Some of the many things that I (and Erin) have talked about and hold as extremely important to us. Obviously these are solely my opinions and im not saying I am 100% right its just what I believe.

Dinner. Dinners should ALWAYS be conducted TOGETHER void of all forms of media. No TV, no phones, no tablets, no NOTHING! Dinner should be held around a table and should be a time where the family can decompress TOGETHER and share life and share stories and experiences from the day. I come from an Italian family so it was nothing for our family dinners to last for hours. And some of the greatest times and conversations and laughs that I can remember from growing up were around the dinner table. I know this can be difficult with the crazy lives everyone has nowadays (which is another topic I wont even touch right now) but I think time should be made for family dinner. Part of the problem in today’s society is parents and kids don’t have the relationship I believe they should. People don’t talk, don’t ask questions, don’t express thoughts, dreams, interests enough with each other anymore. We are all so pre-occupied. Once you walk in the door from work or school or whatever… it should be family time. At least that’s how I feel.

Piggy-Backing off the Dinner situation – I feel like family nights are hugely important. This does not mean sitting around watching TV or movies all the time… but have fun, go outside, play a game, do a picnic, take a walk, experience life together…. But do it without your phones and devices and DISTRACTIONS. Nothing says “you really don’t care” better then being half engaged and constantly checking your phone or whatever.

Travel- First of all, I totally understand not everyone can financially afford to travel but I’m not necessarily talking about a yearly trip to slope-side Breckenridge or an all-inclusive Caribbean Vacation. This could be as simple as getting in the car and driving to a lake, a local farm or farmers market, beach day, museums, ANYTHING to get out of your comfort zone or get out of the house and the familiar environment to experience the world. Sometimes I don’t even think this requires leaving the house. “Travel” outside and rake the leaves with your kids. Wash the cars, make chores fun! Nothing is more fun as a kid then jumping in a huge pile of leaves with your parents and wrestling your dad to the ground and shoving leaves down his shirt. (until he gets you back exponentially worse the you got him)

Work – Work should- at all costs- stay at work. I know its impossible in todays world but I really feel like we should make every effort to make this a huge priority. I actually think this is the biggest problem in our society. We are 100% connected at all times and with the crappy economy most people have to stay on top of things for security. This is hard for some people… I know Erin either has to stay at work for 80hrs a week or bring home her papers and grade at home. My Dad works from home… so he virtually has no “hours” and it on the clock 24/7. Ask him… although it has its obvious advantages, there are twice as many disadvantages. When people feel like work takes precedence over them they will find something to take precedence over you. Downward spiral from there.

Now…. You might be thinking… what the heck is this blog all about? Your 26, been married for 2 years, and don’t even have kids!

Well… first of all I enjoy writing. A lot actually. But I don’t always enjoy writing directly about myself. I have a lot opinions and views on things and spend the better part of my life thinking about stuff. I am always thinking about ways that I can make the world a better place. How can I impact the world? How can I put a bug in someones head and maybe get them thinking about something they could potentially change and make life better for there and other people’s lives. Also, I think my background has a huge impact on how I view stuff like this. Being involved in both 4H and Triple R summer camps for so many summers, there were actually kids who I could tell reached out to me to be the father-figure that they don’t have. Or spend time, talk, listen, love them like they don’t get at home. I’ll never forgot the day I freaking lost it and totally broke down when I had a kid latch on to me and beg me to let him stay at camp with me for the whole summer. He DID NOT want to go back home. He did not want to go back to his FAMILY. I would be willing to bet there aren’t too many family dinners or outings for that kid.

I personally cannot freaking wait to be a Dad.

“It is finished”

“It is finished”

Yes I am quoting Jesus, however I am also referring to the end of the meaning of holidays. If you’ve ever been around me during the holidays you know I have some serious issues with them. Consumerism and commercialism has completely ruined holidays. I can’t stand it. First of all… I guess I have a slight bias in that I really am not very fond of presents and gifts. My idea of the perfect “gift” for a holiday is quality time spent with someone. It just irritates me. This weekend is a perfect example. This weekend we observe the beating, crucifixion, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Arguable this should be the largest “holiday” in the Christian faith. This is such a special weekend in our faith and I am glad we use it as a time to get together, go to church(BUT PLEASE KEEP GOING NEXT WEEK NOT JUST ON EASTER!) and spend time with our families giving thanks for the sacrifice of Jesus. But where in the world did the Easter Bunny come from? Please don’t even answer that because even if you know the history or the story behind it… its stupid. Why do we have an Easter bunny and pastel colored eggs and candy galore and special “Easter” edition everything? Why did we decide to take another super special day in history and ruin it by creating yet another day that we all seem to think we need to buy eachother gifts and make sure we all get together as a family to eat or have all these big festivals with easter egg hunts, and peeps and candy everywhere? WHY? Where in the world is the connection between how we view the Easter holiday… and its actual meaning? Peeps… do NOT have anything to do with Jesus’s death OR resurrection. It really frustrates me. Don’t even get me started on Christmas.

I love Christmas. I really really do. Probably more then most people. Ask Erin… I am a sucker for the holidays. BUT I cant stand what they have turned into. Presents…. Gifts…. Sales…. Santa?....

What about….. CHRIST?!?! We cant even call it CHRISTMAS and more its…. “the holidays”. I’ve always heard that it was actually Coca-Cola that created the “Santa Claus” as we know him today with the red suit… white beard… big old jolly fella. Makes sense…. Coca-Cola…Red&White… makes you fat… hah! But seriously I just get so irritated at the way we have come to treat the holidays. Stores put out the products MONTHS in advanced. And then it creates a culture of comparison… everyone wants to get the bigger TV or the new lexus or what ever it is. I am going to refrain from even talking about BLACK FRIDAY because I will end up using many explicative’s and probably get myself in trouble. Here’s another thing that really grinds my gears… When people are out to eat during the holidays… and say something like… “it’s a shame these waiters have to work on Thanksgiving” …. THEN GO HOME AND COOK YOUR OWN FOOD! I was so stoked to see that Bj’s and Sam’s were closed yesterday. Everyone always says like “yah the holidays are all about spending time with loved ones…. Unless I need my service then yall better be working!” It makes me mad. Rant over. All that to say… lets remember the reasons behind the holidays. I think July 4^th is about the only holiday we actually celebrate correctly. It’s a celebration. So we celebrate! Memorial Day???.... since when does honoring the fallen service members warrant a “summer kick-off party”??? Seriously. Ugh. Lame.

Anyway. Life is getting much better. My sister comes home tomorrow from being gone since Mid-November so I am looking forward to seeing her… (a little) J

Short and Sweet

“It is finished” probably the greatest words ever spoken on the saddest yet most wonderfully promising day in history. Today we celebrate Jesus’ death on the cross and all He gave for us. He gave his life so we may have ours. Amazing. Indescribable. The ultimate sacrifice.  We must never forget what Jesus did for us in death… BUT…also in life. I love reading the stories of His ministry in the new testament. He portrayed the ultimate example of love. He is love. He may have "finished" his mission as a human-being on this planet... but he is nowhere near finished with us, guiding our lives to carrying out his mission. It's our turn to carry the torch and keep it moving. Jesus is moving in us. 

Here is a weekend Challenge.

In honor of the life that Jesus lived, as followers he has called us to mirror, let’s try and do something nice or unexpected or just show love to someone that might not deserve it or might not be expecting it. It doesn’t have to be huge, expensive or some big “look at me” event. Just do something. Hold the door for someone, treat them to a coffee, buy a doughnut for a homeless person… any thing! As long as it shows you care about them and you do it with a big gracious smile on your face… that’s all that matters. No this won’t end any wars around the world or spur on a massive global revival… but it may just make someone who is having a really crappy day, feel a little bit better. Then who knows… maybe they return the favor to someone else… and it keeps spreading… and maybe it gets all the way to Putin and the Ukraine coming to terms?!?! Unlikely… but you never know until you try! We are called to be the change we want to see in the world. It is such a simple yet at times impossible thing to do. Its hard to love other people. Especially when it comes to sacrificing your needs above theirs. But its doable. And when we do it… good things happen.

But above all else… remember why you are doing it. Because Jesus sacrificed his life for ours… gave up LIFE. Keep that into perspective when you have to stand there an extra few seconds to help that old lady with the door. Its really not that bad. J Go out and love!