Matthew.SOMEONE

Matthew.SOMEONE

My username at work for logging in to most things as well as my email address is Matthew.Simeone…. however the other day I either misspelled or got autocorrected into writing … Matthew.SOMEONE… pushed enter and was redirected to let me know my username was wrong… I stopped… looked at it… and immediately FROZE.

For some strange reason this misspelling of my own name launched me down an identity crisis and emotional free-fall. I literally teared up as I sat there and stared at Matthew.SOMEONE

Matthew.SOMEONE. An immense fear overtook me as I sat there and thought who was this… matthew.”Someone”. I started thinking… when I die… will I be Matthew Someone or Matthew Simeone. I think I sat there for probably twenty minutes as I tried to wrap my head around these thoughts. Who am I? What is my purpose…. why am I here? Why did God create me… put me through everything I’ve experienced and now what do I do with all this? How can I make sure that I am not just another Matthew SOMEONE but Matthew Simeone. Not saying I want to be remembered as a famous ____________(fill in the blank) but even amongst my circle of friends and family. How will they remember me? What will/do they say about me? If I was to ask everyone that I know to write an essay about me…. What would it say?

It really is a terrifying thought. Up until this point in my life I feel like I always have TRIED to be a Matthew Someone instead of Matthew Simeone, going through the motions of life, accepting of being mediocre at many things… and usually giving up on my plans or dreams fearful that someone might judge me a certain way, it may not be “cool” or fit in to the status-quo or it might require a little bit of work.

I think it is important however… not to try so hard to “define” yourself. I really have no desire to be Matthew Simeone the “_______”. I simply want to just make sure that I am Matthew Simeone. The individual. Probably my biggest fear in life and the great thing holding me back from my past is the crippling sense that if I reveal my “individual…ness” that people won’t like me, want to be friends with me, think im weird/strange/different. Now ive spent the last two years on a journey to radically RE-define myself and I think this is even harder then just being yourself in first place and not caring what people think. So all that to say…. Make sure in your own lives…. You are not a Matthew Someone, but a Matthew SIMEONE.  (figuratively)