Fork in the Road

Fork in the road.

Ok. So. Like I said the other day I completed my month hiatus from the gym. I was super excited to get back to however I know I need to do things differently this time so I decided to have my first session back be with my dad and his and my moms trainer. She is a great friend and knows my whole story and has been a part of it from the beginning so I knew she would know how to ease me back into things. It was a decent workout… wasn’t all that challenging to me personally but it is a very different style from what I typically do. I went to my gym on Tuesday for my first workout on my own and managed to tone it back from what I used to do but still found my self doing more of my familiar exercise routines. I finished my workout and that’s when things started to happen in my head. I thought I was going to be all fired up to get back and start again… but I wasn’t. I left the gym… satisfied that I completed my workout… but felt pretty empty. All the same people were there, all the trainers that I got to know, life went on in the gym without me and nobody noticed I was gone. Not that I expected them too… but everyone knows that feeling when something is such a huge part of your life and you suddenly stop… you feel like the world pauses with you. It doesn’t. So like I said I finished my workout… (didn’t weight my self! Still going strong with this one) and went home. I noticeably am weaker, which is to be expected. But the emotional emptiness I felt upon leaving really messed with me. It is not that I didn’t enjoy it… it felt good to sweat and push myself physically… but I questioned why I was in there. What are my goals? I thought I had a huge list of goals that I wanted to accomplish on this next “phase” but I found myself questioning all of them. Why? Am I quitting? Is this me giving up before I have really started again? I don’t know. But I do know one thing that I discovered last night…. Body building and weight lifting DO NOT mix with tennis.

I recently joined a tennis league and am really excited about it. I starts this coming Tuesday. Considering I haven’t played for years and have joined a rather competitive team… I need to get some strokes in. So my dad and I played last evening. It was great. I hit fairly well considering how long it’s been. Tennis is kind of like riding a bike. The mechanics come back pretty fast. But like I said it was super fun and I definitely re-ignited an old passion. However there was one major problem. I could not move. My legs were so sore and worn out from the last two days of working out that I could not get around the court. Tennis is a game of explosive movements and quick feet. My feet felt like bricks because my legs couldn’t move them fast enough. It was awful. I legitimately apologized to my dad multiple times because we were both hitting the ball well, and having fun, but I was so hindered by my legs. This brought me to a major mental road block. I really like tennis. And given the right amount of time and practice I can and will be really good at tennis. The problem is… I can not work out to my previous “standards” and play tennis at the same time. But at the same time the more I thought about it and the more I reflected on my feelings leaving the gym Tuesday evening… im actually ok with that. Going to the gym everyday does nothing in terms of produce “measurable” results. I can get better at tennis. I can win more matches, serve more aces, beat people better than me, shoot even have some freaking fun! I cant really do that at the gym. Yes, I could lift more. But so what? Would any one else be like DANG heard matt added 10lbs to his deadlift!!!.... no. But if people came and watched a tennis match they could visibly see improvements over time. I feel like this is somewhat hard to explain. I am not trying to just take one “Matt the gym rat” and turn it into “Matt the tennis player” because then I am till putting a definition on my so called “identity” but I don’t know I just feel like it would be much more beneficial to myself and my situation if I focused more so on tennis. It is a 1000x more fun. I can do it with other people, I can challenge my self and work on improving my game.

 I think the greatest thing about this past month of no gym has been it has showed me that the gym doesn’t do anything for me. It doesn’t bring me joy. I don’t need to go everyday. Nobody cares if I do. Nobody notices. The chains are beginning to break. I am beginning to see the gym as more of a tool to help me improve areas of my fitness, specifically for the sports and things I actually enjoy doing, versus something I have to do every single day. I can go to the gym now and just focus on improving upper body strength and core rotation muscles to help with my tennis game. Or go and work on shoulders and arms to help with softball. The gym is a tool in the larger picture…. And I think im ok with that. Yes I still have a dream of doing crossfit… but there is no way I could do crossfit 5-6 days a week (got to do it that much to get your moneys worth) and play competitive tennis… and be able to enjoy it. So all that to say… the road back into fitness for me is not at all what I expected it to be like. I feel like im standing at a fork in the road… but all the forks eventually come back together. Its like I just have to learn and experiement with how to manage them all together. Monotony is gone. This might actually be fun!

Tomorrow… I plan on talking about food and diet and my major dilemma with them.