Fork in the Road

Fork in the road.

Ok. So. Like I said the other day I completed my month hiatus from the gym. I was super excited to get back to however I know I need to do things differently this time so I decided to have my first session back be with my dad and his and my moms trainer. She is a great friend and knows my whole story and has been a part of it from the beginning so I knew she would know how to ease me back into things. It was a decent workout… wasn’t all that challenging to me personally but it is a very different style from what I typically do. I went to my gym on Tuesday for my first workout on my own and managed to tone it back from what I used to do but still found my self doing more of my familiar exercise routines. I finished my workout and that’s when things started to happen in my head. I thought I was going to be all fired up to get back and start again… but I wasn’t. I left the gym… satisfied that I completed my workout… but felt pretty empty. All the same people were there, all the trainers that I got to know, life went on in the gym without me and nobody noticed I was gone. Not that I expected them too… but everyone knows that feeling when something is such a huge part of your life and you suddenly stop… you feel like the world pauses with you. It doesn’t. So like I said I finished my workout… (didn’t weight my self! Still going strong with this one) and went home. I noticeably am weaker, which is to be expected. But the emotional emptiness I felt upon leaving really messed with me. It is not that I didn’t enjoy it… it felt good to sweat and push myself physically… but I questioned why I was in there. What are my goals? I thought I had a huge list of goals that I wanted to accomplish on this next “phase” but I found myself questioning all of them. Why? Am I quitting? Is this me giving up before I have really started again? I don’t know. But I do know one thing that I discovered last night…. Body building and weight lifting DO NOT mix with tennis.

I recently joined a tennis league and am really excited about it. I starts this coming Tuesday. Considering I haven’t played for years and have joined a rather competitive team… I need to get some strokes in. So my dad and I played last evening. It was great. I hit fairly well considering how long it’s been. Tennis is kind of like riding a bike. The mechanics come back pretty fast. But like I said it was super fun and I definitely re-ignited an old passion. However there was one major problem. I could not move. My legs were so sore and worn out from the last two days of working out that I could not get around the court. Tennis is a game of explosive movements and quick feet. My feet felt like bricks because my legs couldn’t move them fast enough. It was awful. I legitimately apologized to my dad multiple times because we were both hitting the ball well, and having fun, but I was so hindered by my legs. This brought me to a major mental road block. I really like tennis. And given the right amount of time and practice I can and will be really good at tennis. The problem is… I can not work out to my previous “standards” and play tennis at the same time. But at the same time the more I thought about it and the more I reflected on my feelings leaving the gym Tuesday evening… im actually ok with that. Going to the gym everyday does nothing in terms of produce “measurable” results. I can get better at tennis. I can win more matches, serve more aces, beat people better than me, shoot even have some freaking fun! I cant really do that at the gym. Yes, I could lift more. But so what? Would any one else be like DANG heard matt added 10lbs to his deadlift!!!.... no. But if people came and watched a tennis match they could visibly see improvements over time. I feel like this is somewhat hard to explain. I am not trying to just take one “Matt the gym rat” and turn it into “Matt the tennis player” because then I am till putting a definition on my so called “identity” but I don’t know I just feel like it would be much more beneficial to myself and my situation if I focused more so on tennis. It is a 1000x more fun. I can do it with other people, I can challenge my self and work on improving my game.

 I think the greatest thing about this past month of no gym has been it has showed me that the gym doesn’t do anything for me. It doesn’t bring me joy. I don’t need to go everyday. Nobody cares if I do. Nobody notices. The chains are beginning to break. I am beginning to see the gym as more of a tool to help me improve areas of my fitness, specifically for the sports and things I actually enjoy doing, versus something I have to do every single day. I can go to the gym now and just focus on improving upper body strength and core rotation muscles to help with my tennis game. Or go and work on shoulders and arms to help with softball. The gym is a tool in the larger picture…. And I think im ok with that. Yes I still have a dream of doing crossfit… but there is no way I could do crossfit 5-6 days a week (got to do it that much to get your moneys worth) and play competitive tennis… and be able to enjoy it. So all that to say… the road back into fitness for me is not at all what I expected it to be like. I feel like im standing at a fork in the road… but all the forks eventually come back together. Its like I just have to learn and experiement with how to manage them all together. Monotony is gone. This might actually be fun!

Tomorrow… I plan on talking about food and diet and my major dilemma with them. 

Beware the Ides of March

I conquered March. or did March Conquer me?

I did it!!!!!!!!!!! 31 days away from the gym. I am really excited to start back up. As I explained a few weeks ago I went ahead and decided to for-go the dream of diving into the world of crossfit. It still pulls me back every time I see a post  or a picture or something related to crossfit. So many times ill be sitting on the couch with Erin and ill be reading something and sure enough some reference or article related to crossfit will pop up and ill let out an “ughhhh”. I still want it really bad. But I decided against it for now. So that’s that. I originally thought this hiatus from the gym was going to be a grueling marathon of negative emotions and honestly thought I wouldn’t make it. The first week sucked big time. As time went on I began to be ok with it. There were some days which were harder then others. I maintained all my eating and meal portions to stay the same as when I was working out so I can honestly say I did not quit working out but also go on a major calorie cut. Physically I will definitely say my body has changed. I definitely have more cushion around the mid-section and my definition around my core has diminished. This has been tough to watch! I have jiggles again where my “lose extra skin” around my lower belly seems to have softened up again. All of this I am surprisingly ok with because I know its all over now and I can totally re-focus and begin what I have decided to call “Phase 3” Fat Matt – Phase 1, Skinny Matt – Phase 2, New Matt – Phase 3.

I have created a few new fitness goals which I am excited to pursue. I do plan on trying to “bulk” a little and put on some lean muscle and possibly/hopefully get the definition back in my core. But at the same time I am not totally concerned about it. Instead of numbers/body weight/body fat goals I have decided I want to just be able to do certain things. I want to be able to do 10 strict pull ups. I want to be able to do a muscle-up, Handstand pushups and I want to be able to snatch my body weight. I AM ALSO GOING TO SEE HOW LONG I CAN GO WITHOUT WEIGHING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH this will be tough. There are scales all over the gyms. But im going to give an honest effort. I think this has been the most beneficial part of taking a month off. I have not weighed myself since Feb 28^th. NO IDEA what I weigh. I am going by clothes fitting and visual results. The other major goal I have for this new Phase… is just to have fun. I don’t want to be tied to the gym anymore. If I want to work out with weights… I will. If I want to run… I will…tennis….other sports….crossfit stuff… whatever. No tie-downs. JUST HAVE FUN!

Mentally this has been kind of a different story. It has created a bit of a identity crisis. For the last five years I have indentified myself as a gym rat and was totally consumed with making sure I went 5-6 days a week and hit my target reps for each workout. I was recognized by everyone when I came in it was comfortable. There was a day where it kind of sank in when I realized… you know what…. No body notices or even cares that I haven’t been at the gym for two weeks…. The gym NEVER defined ME…. I defined MYSELF this way. So all of a sudden I was sitting then and literally questioned… Who am I? If for atleast the entire month of March I can not identify myself as a gym-goer workoutaholic…. Then what the heck am I? Am I going to be Matt the Tennis player? Matt the crossfitter? Matt the runner? Will I try to rejuvenate my Matt the gym rat…. It was crazy. I brought this issue to Erin one day and she stopped me mid sentence and asked me the toughest question ever… “Why cant you just be MATT.” Holy crap. Such a simple question rattled my brain. What do you mean…. JUST MATT. Ive always seen myself as Matt…. The fat kid. Matt…. The weight loss guru…. Matt…. The gym rat…. Matt the…. Fill in the blank. It was like I was given a blank canvas and someone said you can paint WHATEVER you want when ive only even painted paint-by-numbers and has a patern or a guide to follow. I feel like I just veered of course onto this road….never traveled. Its exciting in a weird way. But also terrifying. Almost so scary that I have thought about giving up on “fitness” all together. Que… the QUITTER. I am determined not to do this. Having signed up to play both tennis and softball this spring I know I wont totally quit… but today I am sitting here thinking about going to the gym after work and I am at a total loss as to what I should/will do?!  WHY? I used to be able to walk in the gym and knew exactly where to go, what to do, for how long, and how many times. It’s incredibly bizarre.

But I will figure it out. I keep telling myself… FUN. FUN. FUN. Its all about having FUN this time. If you walk into the gym and weights do look appealing… walk out and find something else to do. FUN. FUN.FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! 

Social Media

1000 friends to Loneliness

OK so this is something I find I come back to in my mind all the time. So obviously it means something to me… so I am going to write about it. This was spurred on by a video I watched last night (ironically) on Facebook. It was talking about how the accumulation of friends on social media might actually be causing more loneliness in our lives. The theory was basically (this is solely my interpretation so you may feel 100% opposite which is fine!) that human beings really only have the capacity to genuinely know about 150 people. If you look back into history this is actually kind of apparent. Tribes and groups of people tended be focused on smaller groups, typically centered around families. I think humans are wired for this. Look back… all throughout history the trend has always been… as soon as an area gets too crowded, we move away… we find a less populated area to settle… in American history this was the westward expansion. Back in the day in order to have a genuine relationship with someone we had to physically spend time with them. You had to CREATE memories with people. You might only get a couple phone calls a month, or even further back a couple of letter sent out each year so you made sure even through those indirect means that you included as much detail as possible. When families and friends get together from out of town have you ever noticed how much different your time is spent with them versus when you are just hanging with your friends you see everyday? We tend to unplug, put down the Ipads and Iphones and might actually go a few hours without checking facebook. OK sorta got off topic there…

Let me try and bring it back to the original idea.

Social Media.

I really think social media is destroying our society. Not that I am saying it is totally bad. There are some great uses and benefits from it. Like providing means to stay updated with friends and families that live out of town. BUT……………….hold on. This “benefit” might also be a massive detriment. Now that we can follow others lives on facebook or whatever, it allows us to perceive that we are staying up-to-date with there lives without putting any effort into the relationships. Now we can “know” 1000 people without “knowing” any of them. Its sad. I am totally a victim of it too. I cant tell you how many times ive been like … hmm I wonder how Johnny is doing… maybe I should call him… or I can just check his facebook…. O look! He went to the beach yesterday and had a birthday two weeks ago and his family took him to Olive Garden. I know everything about his life… no need to call. SERIOUSLY I do that all the time. I could tell you soo much about soo many people yet I don’t know the first thing about any of there lives. I know all the THINGS. PLACES. STILL SHOTS of there lives… but I don’t know them. I don’t know what they enjoy, there personality, its easy to fake a smile or only post the positive statuses, or the pretty pictures. We can edit, delete, fake, lie with everything we post. We are creating fake lives for everyone to “know” of us. I did it. I faked smiles everyone we took pictures and posted them on facebook. I would write a status or an update and take a few minutes to get the wording JUST RIGHT so people would think all is well! When really the last 2 years have been some of the darkest periods in my life. Go look at my facebook… would you know? NOT A CHANCE! We have the power to edit everything. Hence the concept of us feeling more lonely as a whole. Everyone knows how crappy you feel when you totally lie to someone about how you are doing. You feel empty, guilty, LONELY. Why do some many more people seem to be depressed nowadays. We have fabricated (EDITED) our lives to appear so wonderful to everyone else. When we really step back… we realize… crap… my life is not really like that at all. Or man I wish I really did feel like my status says! Or… dang! Look at all the fun THEY are having!

WHICH……………………………….brings me to the single one thing I despise about social media.

We have created OCD. No not Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Obsessive COMPARISON disorder.

Like I said earlier social media allows us to edit anything we put out there before we hit “post”.

This… like I said … allows us to hand pick the best pictures, best quotes, best anything.

I don’t care what anyone says… we have all seen posts or something from someone and been like MAN! Their lives are so much better or so much more fun than mine. Look how many cruises they took this year, or how in the world can they go to the beach every day! I want their job! We all see everything everyone else is doing and I think it is just a natural reaction by humans to feel like we need to “keep up with the Jones’s” It irritates me. Of course im about to wrap this up and use Facebook as a platform to spread my blog so I feel like I am completely contradicting everything I just said. But seriously social media taking over our lives. Many of us can not do anything without posting something about it. We tend to miss so many moments in life because we have to try to hard to get a picture of it so we can post it on facebook and prove we were there. ENJOY LIFE! Put the stupid phones away and LIVE!

Ok sorry about the rant. Sometimes I get in these phases of life when I just want to unplug from everything and live the simple life. Go to work, come home, spend time with those that I am close too and love, and enjoy all the wonderful pieces of creation that God has blessed us with. I think it is sad that if the internet was to shut down many of us would not have a clu

I am still here! NOT QUITTING!

Well, well, well.

It has been a hot second since I’ve written a blog. I am determined not to quit so I wanted to write one today. That is one of my biggest life focuses right now. NO QUITTING. I am not really going to lie. Life has been a whole lot better as this crazy month begins to come to a close. I have genuinely just been focusing on enjoying life. My therapy has been very successful as well. I do have a wonderful counselor who I am enjoying my time with. We have talked about many interesting things and have brought about some findings that have made living much better. For example last week we ended up possibly discovering that I have a decent case of ADD. It makes total sense. We looked at some documents and studies and stuff and after reading them it became pretty obvious. It has helped to read into ways to handle ADD and steps I can take to continue to be productive and manage my work and life. One thing I found that helped me out this weekend during the crappy cold rainy/snowy Sunday afternoon was work on a puzzle. I bought a 1000 pc puzzle and started it yesterday. Talk about relaxing. I do pretty well when I have something I can mindlessly focus on that I actually enjoy. However doing other mindless activities don’t suit me very well. Watching TV/Movies or playing games on the computer really does nothing for me and I get super bored. But the cool thing about the puzzles, is that I can kill two birds with one stone. Like I said a long time ago I love certain artists. However paintings are stupidly expensive. SO I came up with a tacky solution. I will specifically pick puzzles of my favorite paintings/artists and once I complete them, I plan on framing them. So I get the enjoyment of putting it together, and I get a 20x30 “painting” for 9.99. WIN WIN!

My therapist brought up and interesting point. She said there may be some correlation between ADD and eating disorders. We didn’t go too deep into it however if you think about it… it actually makes perfect sense. ADD makes you not be able to focus very well on certain tasks. Eating Disorders tend to totally occupy your mind and your thoughts. So when you put the two together… you have a situation where you struggle to focus on things to begin with …  and you have something that is trying to occupy every moment of your thoughts.  So each time you get off track or lose focus… you pulled into the thoughts created by the eating disorder. Take that crap storm and add in a little depression… which makes you not really want to do anything at all… and you get a lack of focus…on things you don’t even care about….all while your brain is being pulled towards those thoughts of foods/calories/weight issues… whatever. SUCKS! So I have found I need to find things that I am able to focus on for longer periods of time to help control all those things. So far… puzzles seem to be doing the trick. They are challenging. Take a long time. And I get a reward of a painting I enjoy. So for now… that’s my strategy.  Still trying to figure out something to help keep focused at work.

On another note… I am really stoked for this spring. I joined a USTA men’s tennis league and a co-ed softball league with members of our church. I am looking forward to the tennis because I plan on actually taking that relatively serious. Ironically despite my sincere hatred for baseball… I am super excited about softball. I am doing that solely for fun. I couldn’t care less about the win or lose or if I strike out every single time. Its just all about fun and fellowship. And those people who take it way to serious and get all bent out of shape about REC softball… I will for sure laugh at you. You’ve been warned. ;)

I made a massive decision last week as well. I am for-going my ultimate dream. Crossfit. As of the week before last I had full support from Erin and others on fulfilling my dreams of joining a crossfit gym and going all-in. I made a huge 180 last week the more I thought about it. Actually a sermon at church sparked the change of heart. I started thinking that maybe this was one of those situations where I convinced myself that I wanted it sooooo badly that I convinced myself that this is what I was supposed to do. I pretty much realized that if I was going to do it… I was going to have to do it. Everyday. In order to get my monies worth. I also realized that one of things I don’t want to do is get totally obsessed with it. I know I would. Guaranteed. Plus I am looking forward to this next phase of my “fitness life” to be totally free. What I mean by that is if I was doing crossfit… I would be doing crossfit. Not doing it… I could wake up one day and say “today I am going to the gym” or “today I feel like taking a nice long easy run” or “ I have a tennis match tonight so im going to take it easy today” and just do whatever I want. Also I want to start seeing about training people and almost develop a little side job. In the few people I have helped lose weight, or work out with… I(they) have had huge success. So not being chained to a crossfit gym will allow me the potential to maybe start a little something.

All and All its been a really positive couple of weeks. Not everyday is always peachy… but overall its good. Erin and I took a ride to the beach this weekend and we hit up all the surf shops I used to hang around in high school with George and other friends. Brought back some really good memories and vibes. SO like I said… things are looking good atleast right now. Which is all I can do is focus on right now.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me and encouraged me through the last few months! I love you all. Mostly Erin though. :) shes pretty much the greatest person ever!

Cold. Rainy. Monday.

Cold. Rainy. Monday.

YES. Today sucks. On all accounts. But you know what? We are all alive. So its really not that bad of a day!

I had a pretty good weekend. Erin was still getting over her sinus infection so on Friday night I stopped in to a birthday party for a good friend on our behalf. It was great to see so many people from our old church. Reminded me how much I love those people. Changing churches is really hard when you love so many people but you have to go when the Lord calls.

Also on Friday like I posted on Facebook… I made the first step to conquering a major dream of mine. Really excited. And even more excited that Erin is on board.

And finally on Friday I had my second Therapy session. It was great. I really like this lady’s  style. She lets me talk. Lets the conversation flow to where ever it needs to or ends up. She asked me some tough questions that prompted some major thinking. Also it made me feel really good that she did follow through and read the majority of my blog. I was hoping she would however I realize she has many other patients and a life outside of counseling so I would understand if she hadn’t. But it made me feel valued and that she cares. She almost made me cry at one point. Don’t worry. I held it in like a tough guy :) (some things im going to leave out details to protect myself) but she gave me a recommendation that about 6 other of my closest family and friends have told me so it was kind of like a massive confirmation. So I have set a goal in my head and now just need to work hard and pray.  

Saturday was kind of quiet. We went to the SPCA because Erin wants a dog. Not going to happen. But she really wants one haha. We had a great visit with my parents. The weather was gorgeous so we just sat outside and shot the breeze for a while. We also had a fantastic dinner with our good friends Kelly and Ryan. One of those couples that we have no idea why we don’t see them more than we do considering they live walking distance from our house! Must do better.

Sunday church was wonderful as always. Our small group bible study is awesome. I always leave church in such a good mood. The way it should be! I got some much needed painting done around the house. Other then that the weekend was kinda relaxing. Not a whole lot went on. But it was a nice weekend.

Sorry this post isn’t all too exciting. To be totally honest I am having a super crappy depressing day so I figured I would write about all the good things that happened this weekend to help cheer me up.

I am Matt Simeone: The Winner.

I am Matt Simeone: The Winner.

Hopefully the first part of the statement above is no surprise to anyone, however the second part might seem far too optimistic to be true!

But it’s true. I am Matt Simeone and I am a winner. This blog is probably going to seem like a puff myself up… sort of a brag-fest and I will apologize if it comes across as arrogant. But sometimes I think people need to seem themselves as winners. You need to sometimes boast in your successes. Building up your self-confidence, and self-worth, and self-esteem is very important. Yesterday’s post got me thinking a lot. WHY DO I SEE MYSELF AS A LOSER! I AM A WINNER! In my own ways of course.

Confession times…

I will never win a CAA Title like my sister did, or be amongst VA’s talented soccer players. She did. She won that fight. She is a winner. Her Success.

I will never leave home, Join the Navy, Leave the Navy, Work, go to school, and build a family in my late 20’s all at the same time. My Dad did. He won. His success.

I will may never decide mid-career to go back to school while working full-time, raising two teenage kids, to pursue a career advancement. My Mom did. Her success.

I will definitely never be selected to partake in an incredibly competitive major (dental hygiene) get accepted, crush the program, work for a year, hate it, completely change career paths, get through my Master’s with Straight A’s, and get a job right away. Erin did. Her Success.

I will never create Microsoft in my garage and become the richest man on earth. Bill Gates did. His success.

No. None of those will ever come true for me. And you know what. I am 100% ok with that. If I strived to match all those successes, I would be a super rich-teacher-assistant principle-chemical engineer-living in Utah with a Title Ring on my finger named Matt ERINPEGPETEMEGBILL Simeone.

That’s not me. I am Matt Simeone. I took a lost, obese, depressed, kid and made a complete 180 with his life. I lost over 130 pounds. Not a whole of people can say that. MY SUCCESS.

I have inspired families and friends to radically change their lifestyles and dramatically improve their quality of life and help them reach their goals. MY SUCCESS.

I for a second time hit rock bottom, acknowledged I had a problem and am actively working towards fixing my life. MY SUCCESS.

I would never say this about myself but I’ve been told this by enough people but apparently I am an inspiration. I AM AN INSPIRATION. I AM AN INSPIRATION. I need to keep repeating this to myself because I still don’t believe it.

I want to take this inspiration and create something amazing with it. I think there is no doubt that I am passionate and really good at helping others get healthy. I need to stop looking at the successes of others listed above and judge myself by those standards! How can I measure my impact on improving people’s lives, if I am comparing it to winning a CAA title?!?!

I think a huge problem I have created in my head is that I am been viewing my passion with health and nutrition and fitness as a bad thing since I did in fact develop an eating disorder. This is a temporary problem though. I am and will beat this and be back and probably better than ever. I am so ready to impact people’s lives. I can’t let this  blip destroy my hopes and dreams. That’s not fair to me and to my success.

My mom has changed the world through hundreds of kids lives.

My sister has changed the world through inspiring other to let it all go and take massive leaps of faith

My dad has changed the world by raising two fantastic capable kids and has inspired me to be the best Dad I ever can be.

Erin has changed the world by showing people just because one situation doesn’t work… seek God and a million more will come. Now she is blessed with an opportunity to change all these kids to come, lives.

So now its my turn. I can change the world. Not sure if its through fitness and nutrition, or its through my job at VDOT. But I will change the world. I will win. I can do anything I set me mind too. You don’t lose 130lbs over night. It is not easy. It was not given to me. It took a ridiculous amount of work, time, dedication and strength. And I did it. My Success. I WON.

I am a winner.

I am Matt Simeone.

The Science of Selling myself Short

The Science of Selling myself Short

Went and visited with my Dad yesterday afternoon. Erin had plans to go to the gym with some friends so to ensure I didn’t drive myself nuts at home Jones’n for a workout I decided to go hang with Pops. Had a nice visit and I pitched some ideas I had and he proceeded with the inevitable yet welcome pep-talk that I needed. He’s good at those. To summarize the conversation he proved once again that I always come up with these big ideas and never ever follow through with anything. Case in point… 2 weeks ago I was all stoked on starting to play tennis and join a USTA team. Haven’t done it. I told myself I was going to finally finish up my painting that has been half done for the last year. Haven’t done it. This all came from the part of the conversation that we were having about what kind of stuff I can do outside of my day job to fulfill my dreams of all the things I am passionate about. Such as… Ever since I lost my weight I have had this huge burning desire to take my success and knowledge and put it good use and become some type of trainer, coach, or like health/nutrition advisor to people. A “Fitness Consultant” if you will. Every time the thought gets stirred up I come up with 5000 reasons why I shouldn’t do it or reasons I can’t do it. Basically I am terrified to commit to anything. I think I fear the possibility of failing. I fear the commitment and time things take to materialize. Rome wasn’t built in a day. But in our instantly-gratified world…I think I expect things to just happen exactly how and when I want them too. This is a huge major flaw that has plagued my life for so long. I have lately been doing some digging around in my head wondering why? I think the biggest thing that holds me back is the thought of failing like I said before. I am fortunately (and also unfortunately) surrounded by people in my life that have succeeded in exactly what they set out to do. Erin went through everything it took to be a dental hygienist… hated it…prayed…found her calling… worked her butt off to switch careers and now is the happiest person in the world being an elementary school teacher. My mom was a teacher, went back to school to be an assistant principle, and never looked back. My dad joined the navy at 18 to get out of his small town dead-end life to pursue a future for his family. Served his 6 years, went to school, worked, had me, and provided an amazing living for us all. My sister was one of the most successful soccer players in our area, played in college, won a CAA title, got a degree she wanted, fell in love with Utah, and one day took the biggest leap of faith and moved out to Park City to chase her dreams and loves every minute of it. So the 4 closest people in my life have all at certain points given everything up to pursue a better life, or a deeper passion and have all been incredibly successful. Then I look back at myself… and see how in just about every “big-decision” moment of my life I have done what others have wanted me to do (or so I thought) or taken the easy road. I tend to only pursue things where maybe I know someone who can help me out, or follow a group of friends (Radford), or just simply take the road WELL traveled. Followed the status-quo I guess. I have never once just said F*** it and jumped head first into something. I really do think it’s because I am terrified of being the “one that tried and failed” I know I talk about it a lot but I really do feel a major calling to something fitness related. Not only have I lost 130lbs. Helped Erin lose 90. Helped spark a healthy lifestyle in both of our families, but I have also helped a friend of mine get in really good shape. I think at one point he told me he gained 5lbs of muscle but lost 4 inches on his waste through working out with me. He dreamed of running a half-marathon and so I helped him get on a plan and a routine and he has stuck with it and his race is this Saturday. Not that I am claiming that from him… hes the one who has sacrificed and kept up with the training, but I feel like I was part of the spark and the start that got him rolling. I have helped a lady at my work lose 17lbs in the last 2 weeks and have helped her totally re-invent her diet from daily stops at Hardee’s and buying honey buns from the snack machines to a whole-foods healthy diet and all she does it tell me how much better she feels! I have all the tools and the EXPERIENCE that a lot/most physical trainers or nutrionalists cant say they have. They may have the book knowledge and could crush me on an anatomy exam… but I actually DID it. Sometimes experience is far more valuable then reciting facts. I have also enjoyed the most amazing highs, and the darkest deepest lows that some experience in a weight loss journey. So why don’t I pursue something???? Because I could right now list out a bunch of reasons I could say its too hard. School and courses and certifications or are too expensive, I would have to read, and study and work hard and take exams, and once (if) I finished all that…. I would have to join the world of all the other bagillion trainers out there completing for clients. I would have to figure out where I would conduct my work from. You can’t always just say you will meet at Mt. Trashmore for a workout. Where would I conduct business? How would I charge people? Would I charge people? Where and how would I find people to work with…. All these thoughts combine together in my brain and conclude…. Ahh its not worth it. Way too hard. Screw it. I don’t want to get to be 55yrs old and have all these things I WISHED I would have done. Ben Franklin tried to make a light bulb 2000 times before he got it. I think I would try something for .2000 times before I would give up. I hate it. I don’t want to be like this. It’s pathetic. I refuse to continue to be Matt Simeone the quitter. I want to be Matt Simeone the winner. Another thing that holds me back big time is that I tend to quit or give up if I am not the absolute best at something. I hate to lose. Case in point… Crossfit. I am probably the most obsessed Crossfit enthusiast who has never done Crossfit. Why? It’s Expensive. It’s hard. I will probably not ever be as good as Rich Froning. Confession: I am terrified to paint anything that is not a Paint-By-Number. Why? Because I know I will probably never be able to paint like Thomas Kinkade. So why even bother? I would probably make a fool of myself and it would end up looking more like a Picasso. Why do I set myself to the standards of other people. Why can I not just accept the fact that some people have unique gifts and freakish abilities in some things. Why can’t I be satisfied with what Matt Simeone can do. Maybe its all connected. Maybe its because I feel like my bests or the things I succeed in get trumped by CAA titles, 4.0’s thoughout Master’s programs, My dad’s career successes. MUST STOP JUDGING MYSELF BASED ON OTHER PEOPLE!

So to sum it all up I have perfected the science of selling myself short. Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Mark Zuckerberg, Richard Branson, Michael Jordan, Rich Froning, Thomas Kinkade, and Ben Franklin. They all have one thing in common. They set a goal. Worked as hard as possible and did everything they could, gave everything they had, sacrifice everything including pride, and did not take failure or the idea of failing as an option. I must learn from this. I must stop making excuses. Stop worrying. Take a plunge. Go all in. As Mike McDermott (Matt Damon) said in one of my favorite movies ever… “you cant lose what you don’t put in the middle, but you can’t win much either” – Rounders.

Whoa. Not where I thought this blog was going to go. Looks like I made up for not writing yesterday. So anyway… anyone wanna be my first true fitness client??? J