One of my biggest struggles in life is this overwhelming
fear of not being prepared or more specifically running out of something. Many
of you know I am slightly (read: ridiculously) infatuated with candles. I have
a collection of Yankee Candles in a 5-Tier glass display cabinet in my “man
cave”… I know… not exactly the first thing you may expect in such a place… but it’s
what I like… so shut up.
They say the strongest sense tied to memory is smell. Not
pictures, not sounds, not textures… but smell. Makes total sense when you
really think about… what happens when you walk into your parents house on
thanksgiving or come home to freshly baked cookies… your first initial sense to
kick in is smell… which almost always immediately invokes a memory. Sorry for
the scientific side note but it helps set up my point. Each of those candles I have
holds a specific memory tied to them. Here’s my dilemma. I have never burned a
single one. I cant. I would probably curb-stomp someone if they played a prank
on me and lit on of them. Haha… but seriously. Many of them are “retired” or
will never be made again. Some of them are based off special events like the “Boston
Strong” candle in honor of the Boston marathon bombings. One of them is called “Treehouse
Memories” which every time I give it a whiff I spend the next few minutes reminiscing
those amazing days of being kids running around in the woods and building forts
and bike jumps. I have two candles in my office (unlit) that I cant bring
myself to light because what if once its finished I can’t find it anymore… the experience
is over... forever. So I just keep it there. Unlit. Experiencing little glimpses
of what it has to offer by opening the lid every once in a while.
I just told that story to basically set up a question. We
have two options in life. We can hold on to everything we have as long as
possible with the assumption that we will always have it. This comes at a price
though… you never really truly get to enjoy it. Or the flip side is obviously enjoying
something to its fullest. It may not last forever but its ok because you got the
maximum amount of joy out of it. Besides something even better may come about
which could be enjoyed even more.
After thinking about this for a minute I guess the real
issue is something more like… the anticipation of joy is delaying joy. I keep
looking forward to the day that I will allow myself to enjoy something…. When I
know each day I always say its going to be the next day... well there’s going
to become a point when the next day doesn’t come. And for someone like me that
is terrifying being a forward-thinking “always planning for the future” kind of
person…. Which isn’t a bad thing… except I am assuming the “future” is a long
ways off. I am holding on to the thought that I am going to live for a long
long time and I can enjoy something or wait to do something later… when the
timing is better. Well friends I think there’s some truth in the old saying “there’s
no time like the present”. Life is short. Really short for some. Go enjoy it!
As for me… im going home to light a candle.
Tomorrow. ;)
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