It's Coming back.

I felt it. It was back. Things were different. Things felt different. Things seemed different. It was different. Feelings I hadn’t felt in a long time were pouring back. Life.

Ben and Ashely, Craig and Ashely, and Erin and I spent a wonderful weekend together.

This weekend we were invited to spend a couple days at our friends (Craig and Ashely) parents time-share condo in Massanauten. A little R&R retreat in the mountains. We drove up Thursday evening after work in the midst of a crazy bad thunderstorm. Luckily this didn’t set the tone for the trip because it was sure was a gnarly storm. Most people had pulled off the road to wait it out. NOT US! Haha we trudged on.

Not getting in until late Thursday night we didn’t do to much but unpack and go to sleep. Friday was a crazy busy day. We got up ate and headed out to hike the ridge trail along the top of the mountain. We probably did about 4 miles through some relatively challenging rocks and passages. Craig, Ben and I spent some moments climbing trees, rocks and occasionally bypassing the trail for a more difficult line. We found some amazing overlooks and as always had many good laughs and conversations. After lunch the guys went and played golf and the girls headed to the pool with Craig and Ashely’s 1.5 year old. Golf was interesting to say the least. Deer, ground hogs and beavers were all over the course which added a really cool element. The course was hard but fun and we had the entire place to ourselves. It took about 5.5 hours so the ladies prepared a fantastic dinner that was all ready when we got home. After dinner, and after an incredibly long day, we all posted up on the couches in our “pajamas” and played a game. Good times and lots of laughs. It was a great finish to a great day. Saturday we headed to the big indoor/outdoor waterpark at the resort and had a blast. I GOT ERIN TO GO DOWN A WATER SLIDE! ANNNNNNNNNNNND SHE LOVED IT! Haha. Really stoked. Between water slides, hot tubs and lazy rivers we had a great time. And wouldn’t you believe just as the trip began we got caught in another gnarly thunderstorm as we were trying to pack up to go home. I wish I could tell you that we got to spend Sunday at home quietly recovering from a busy couple days but nope! Church at 8am, bible study at 9:30, Tides game at 1:05, and Erin and 3 of the girls from church went to a painting class and the husbands babysat two 7 year old twins and the 1.5 year old from about 6-10. So no lazy Sunday for us! So anyway… that was the summary of what we did and what actually happened this weekend. But SO much more came out of it.

This weekend was amazing as well on a more emotional level. All the stuff that I mentioned above was fun and exciting but it was all the other moments that actually made the trip. I loved how we ate all our meals family style. I loved how we spent hours talking and laughing and sharing stories before, after, during all the meals. Getting up before everyone else and finding Ben outside on the back deck reading and going out to spend a few minutes of the early morning hours with him. Watching Ashley and Craig parent the little guy and almost feeling like all six of us were parents to him. Long car rides, long car conversations, playing road trip games to pass the time. It felt like family. I never felt tired of anyone or felt like… ok… im ready to go home…. And not even once feeling on Sunday like… I just spent 3 days with these people and now we all have to babysit… I need a break! It was great. I think for the first time in a long long time I have friends again. Friends I love. Friends I know I can call at 2am if I needed anything. Best friends if you will. I am usually so closed off. Usually don’t let anyone in. Always felt like I was different or something. Even outside of these two couples at church on Sunday I found myself more intrigued to get to know other people. Its like I finally found some friends and I want more. Its awesome. It feel good. Life feels good. Life feels like its coming back. I am so thankful for my church and what has come from it. Had we never switched churches last year none of this would have happened. I now 100% know and feel why God allowed that to happened. He knew what he had coming for us and I am so thankful. Life is good. 

Experiencing God

Experiencing God

I wont lie. I miss writing this blog on a more regular basis. I have just been at a loss for topics lately. I realize my life is not interesting enough to generate readers when I post random little updates. So I have been looking for something I can focus on again. As discussed many times in the past, I am not very good at sticking to something unless there is a designated path and clear view of an objective or a schedule of some sort. So I decided I am going to blog about working through the bible study “Experiencing God” that we are doing in our bi-weekly bible study group. This is a twelve week course that we are dragging out through the end of 2014. In fact we wrap the study up the week before Christmas so it kind of fit perfectly. I am very excited about this study. We just finished the first “weeks” course and met last night to talk about it in our group. The study is structured with five lessons per week for 12 weeks. Since we only meet on the 1^st and 3^rd Tuesday nights each month we are getting an extra week for each “week”. This is nice because it allows you to really focus and dial in to the study. I try to do a lesson every other day. Each takes anywhere between 20-45 minutes so I try to use it for my morning quiet time. Like I said I am extremely excited for this study. On the first introductory night we all passed around our books and signed everyone’s so that we have a support network and can hold each other accountable to the covenant that we signed in our own books. I am famous for getting through about a third of a bible study, miss a week and never get back to finish.

Like I said earlier I am really stoked on this one. I absolutely have accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior and believe in my heart that I have been saved through God’s grace. However… I am definitely selfish in nature and I find my self usually praying mostly selfish prayers. I realize I usually end up advising God on how he can work in my life or reminding him of the things that I WANT to happen or that I NEED in my life… like he doesn’t already know. So you could almost say ive switched the equation and been trying to have it so God is experiencing me. So even in the first week of this study I have really heard God saying…. STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OUT! PUMP THE BREAKS there killer. I got your back. Now I am not saying that I believe that God doesn’t want us to be ambitious or pursue our dreams… not at all. But I feel like your dreams and ambitions will be revealed to you once you truly begin to experience God. One of the major points of the week was that we need to ask God the right questions. The most common prayer is usually… “God, What is your will for MY life?” How selfish! Instead we need to stop a few words short. “God, what is your will.(PERIOD)”

Once we really get focused on learning what God’s will is… we can begin to learn and explore our piece in the puzzle. We have a tendency to think… man I feel like God is telling me to go to Africa and save the world…. So God please make that happen! Then we expect that since we FEEL like that is what is in our hearts we need to be the next Mother Teresa to Africa and be the main point man for the mission. But I don’t think it works like that which is why I think we are usually so dissatisfied. I think if we understand that ok… I feel like God wants a team to go serve in Africa… OK good. We have established the WILL OF GOD. Now we can begin to find out how God wants  us to work in this. It may be that in fact you get to be the point-man for the trip. You may be put in a position to be the trip director and not even be able to go… but you are tasked with coordinating all the major details. And that is ok. God might just say… you need to pray for this team to go to Africa… I have different plans for you. And we have to be ok with this. This is so hard.

I struggle so much with this. I am a planner. I don’t worry about tomorrow… because I worried about tomorrow about three months ago. Right now im planning for the fall in my head. I know it sucks.

I also want answers. I want to know the future. I want to know if I am where I am because I am stubborn and made a ton of wrong decisions in life or if God directed me here and has a plan. I just want to KNOW!

So that’s what I have dedicated the rest of 2014 to. Every single time I turned the page of this study and read the next passage, verse or paragraph almost each one resonated the same thing in me. STOP. SLOW DOWN. LET GO. REST. As Casting Crowns puts it… JUST BE HELD. Stop asking God to grab hold of me as I go about my journey… but I need to grab hold of God and go along his journey.

So that’s my plan. But at the same time that doesn’t mean im going to completely stop pursuing things. I will continue to reach out, talk to people, seek guidance and ask questions, pursue opportunities…. But do so in a much more relaxed sense. Not get so excited when something tiny happens and expect it to work out to the way it does In my dreams. If I through a line out… and some thing bites… then pray and pursue it… But leave it up to God to work it out. Not try and force everything. So here’s to the back half of 2014!

OH! The places they’ll go.

OH! The places they’ll go.

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

To anyone involved in any way, shape or form with the school system… you know today the day teachers and students alike have been waiting for since early September. OK… maybe not quite September but after the holidays the countdowns begin, and after spring break the countdowns reallllllly begin. Warm weather, long sunny days, SOL’s complete… we all remember those last few weeks of school that just dragggggggggg on.

Today is funny day for me. On one hand, growing up with a mom in the school system and now married to a teacher, I have longed for the days of being able to eat dinner and talk about something other then school! Spending Sunday afternoons at my parents house with no student and school stories to share! No more helping grade papers over the weekends! No more making crafts and food and buying supplies for the kids! No more trying to watch football while Erin is watching Youtube videos of teaching idea! No more dealing with the bad days! No more Friday nights at the school’s talent show! SUMMER!

Yet… on the other hand... our dinner conversations… are when she gets to ask me what I think about something at school or for my advice… Sunday afternoons are such great opportunities for my mom and my wife to bond and feed off of each other and share a genuine common interest….reading the answers that kids come up can be extremely entertaining… making robots out of juice boxes and raisins and hot-coco filled ornaments and endless cupcakes are not only something that Erin and I get to do together… I usually end up having as much fun as the kids do!... OK ill admit I will not miss the youtube videos… hearing the bad stories or the SOL-stress-induced rants give me an opportunity to be the voice of reason and support Erin… and ill be honest I have yet to go to a school function and not had a great time and laughed hysterically at those crazy kids…. And now its all over… BUMMER!

OK… its not OVER… and I think that’s the best thing about it… we just get a nice little break… just enough time to realize you actually miss all those things… and then it starts again.

This was Erin’s first full school year as last year she was hired in December, so this was her first true class that she got to watch and develop from start to finish. I think there is always something super special about the “first” anything. The smiles, tears, anger and love experienced this year will be remembered forever…. And I love that we get to experience it together. Watching someone do something that they are so incredibly passionate about is one of the most amazing things ever. I had the privilege to attend a few school functions and spend a few days in her classroom with her, as well as many after school programs, and it is 1000% apparent that she was created to do this. She loves her kids like they are her own. She cares for them like they are her own. She lives with them and through them and for 9 months of the year she is 100% dedicated to their well-being. I feel so blessed to be married to someone with the passion, love and drive to make sure her kids succeed.

Its really not fair. To all teachers I really apologize. You guys deserve so much more. More respect. More resources. More pay. More support. Every single person who has gone through school can look back to a teacher who impacted their life. We all have that one teacher (or more) that sparked something in our heart. So please all Teachers… give yourselves a pat on the back and take your well deserved summer vacation.

I know its bitter sweet to see the kids go. Erin always tells me how fun it is to watch how much a child can grow in 9 months. But… its time to see them off! Each one of them has the potential to change the world and you have prepared them to do so. You never know what impact you might have had on that child… and that must be such exciting feeling to know that you may have been the catalyst for something to accomplish something great. Teachers provide the spark for all great things.

I know today Erin will read “OH! The places you’ll go” to her kids right before they leave and there is ZERO chance she will get through it without crying, but please just remember sweetheart, that you changed those kids lives this year… and as you tearfully usher them off… remember that it wont be long until those desks are filled with another whole group ready to be transformed. You are great. Your passion and hard work is appreciated. I love you!

I just want to also say a massive thank you to all my friends and colleagues and family members in the school systems!  

Home

Home

What is home? … A house? An apartment? A condo? A place of residence? The place you lay your head down at the end of day?

I have a confession. Many of you know this about me. Hampton Roads is not my favorite place in the world. It isn’t exactly where I want to reside forever. However it is…my home.

I love my home. So in a round-a-bout way I love where I live. Does it hold the physical features I long for? (snowy mountains)…. No. Is it a small town without traffic lights with long winding country roads lined with year long lasting fall foliage and picket fences separating farmlands and colorful maple trees?.... No. But I don’t really think any of this matters. It’s a minor inconvenience. I think “Home” is defined within your heart.

Why am I writing about this today? Because this weekend I truly felt like I was home.

Thursday night eating dinner with Erin’s family… annoying showing up late… making us wait… but then spending an hour laughing telling stories and watching stupid youtube videos at the restaurant….i feel home.

Friday night we had one of our most favorite people in the whole wide world come over as she was visiting from Lynchburg. Sitting around a sharing life stories together and reminiscing on past events….thats when I feel home.

Saturday evening a whole bunch of us met up at Chesapeake city park, packed picnic dinners, sat around for a couple hours in the beautiful sunshine waiting for the sun to fade to watch an outdoor viewing of “The Goonies”, having “boy time” taking my newly adopted nephews over to the play ground to watch them play, only to realize how much fun monkey bars and swings can be as a grown-up, sitting around in lawn chairs watching the movie with laughing, eating popcorn, unexpectedly freezing our butts off sharing blanks amongst eachother, watching my beautiful wife and all her friends laughing, dancing around, loving life, snapchatting eachother just to annoy me, and then telling everyone embarrassing stories about me…. I feel home.

Spending all Sunday morning at church services and bible studies fellowshipping amongst our life group. Spending lazy Sundays around the pool hanging out with friends, getting roped into playing pool tag with those crazy boys again, and then unexpected heart to hearts with people you care the most about…. So much so… that they made you wayyyy behind schedule trying to make dinner for my parents who were coming over, sitting around the living room watching Erin so happy and excited to show off her students “memories of the year” book her students made for her and listening to her tell stories while showing pictures from the yearbook, having my parents help us decide where to put next year’s Christmas tree… in June …. I feel home.

 So to answer the question posed at the start of this post… home is none of those.

Home is your family.

Home is your friends.

Home is your friends that have become family.

Home is Sunday afternoons by the pool

Home is Saturday nights at the drive-in

Home is your Church when you get upset that the service ends so soon.

Home is that moment you realize you found your “2AM” friends.

Home is sitting with your sife out front watching the sun set on a quiet evening dreaming of life

Home is your heart.

O.A.R. wrote a song titled “I feel home” and it’s is one of those songs that the words have always stuck with me. Go listen to it.

Ramblings and My Summer Plans

Writer’s Block

Man lately I have been struggling with topics to write about. Not that I have a self-imposed requirement to write X times a week but I do enjoy it, I just have been struggling finding stuff to talk about. Lately I have been really working very hard on calming down. I tend to be a 10 year plan type of person and keep my eyes focused so much on the far out future that I never really accomplish things in the now or get discouraged because things aren’t happening fast enough. So as I search my soul for my purpose and really try and focus on listening to the Voice of God…. I am trying to really hard to just sit back. I always tend to try and take the wheel and direct it where I want to go or what I want to do. Not the best idea and look where its gotten me. 10 year plans are great to have but when you neglect the here and now because you want so badly to have the future happen already… you miss life. This weekend I tried really hard to do just that. For once… we literally had NO plans. For an entire weekend. It was incredible! Saturday we spent the entire day at the pool and Sunday the entire day at Church and the beach. It was so relaxing… and also soo against my norm. I would have normally thought that this was a total waste of time that could be spent being productive or making sure our errands were done or whatever… but this weekend I didn’t. I just sat back, took a deep breath, and enjoyed the moment. Another thing I have been focusing on recently is making sure I am being intentional with my actions. That is… I am one to expect instant gratification and get really annoyed when things don’t happen right away. (hence my struggling with quitting things so easily). This kind of correlates to living more in the moment as well. I am not trying to rush certain things like I typically do. In all actions and decisions I am actively seeking as much guidance and input from as many different sources before making a radical decision. I am in no rush. I am also going to try and spend more of my free time this summer on actually doing those things I am passionate about instead of just continually thinking about them.

The other thing I am trying to focus on (since I have began a new medication that will hopefully help this process) is de-clutter my brain. I have soooo many thoughts and emotions about sooo many things that I was to try and take as many as I can and process them and then come to terms with how I feel and not just bury them in the back of the brain to be handled later. For example… some very big changes will take place in the next couple years with my family and instead of just suppressing my true feelings… I sat down with my mom this weekend and told her exactly how I felt. It felt good and felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders a little. So I can check that one off… move on to the next.

The last thing I am working on (this goes back to being more intentional about everything) is to not pass up an opportunity or be too afraid to pursue something. Example: I am the WORST person at following through with things… so many times someone will approach me and say they know someone or have a contact within something that might be able to help me out or just use as a reference and historically I would NEVER contact that person for fear that maybe I would ask the wrong questions, not be totally prepared to talk to them or just simply be afraid of what they may say good or bad. So now I am actively seeking advice and guidance from any and everyone I think may be able to offer help. Even just cold-calling(emailing mostly) people and explaining my position, my desires and my plans so I can honestly say so far feedback has been great. Most people who are “professionals” at what they do are more then willing, usually eager, to offer their knowledge to someone who knows less then them. My Dad taught me that one.

So to wrap this whole post up…. This summer is my slooooooooooooooow down and focus time.